August 31, 2005 6:23 PM
Helping Kids Make Sense of Katrina
Some are likening Hurricane Katrina to last year’s tsunami. I agree. I have this horrible feeling it’s going to be so much worse than we can even imagine today. And does anyone else experience that hideous weight of going about your normal daily life - doing laundry, making peanut butter sandwiches, trying to balance the checkbook – as though somehow we are untouched by the devastation of our countrymen?
This morning, thinking of the enormity of the tragedy and personal loss others face actually hurt my heart. Would you understand if I said I wanted it to hurt my children’s hearts too?
I’ve always had this thing about not getting too comfortable, always felt compelled to teach my kids not to take our security and material blessings for granted. For years I’ve cut out National Geographic pictures of children all over the world – eager African children crowded in ramshackle classrooms, kids coming home from market with bunches of fish on their heads, squatting on a dirt floor to shape tortillas with mama, herding sheep with papa. Like the ticker running at the bottom of the news channel screen, they hang at kids’ eye-level throughout our house, subliminal reminders that our American lifestyle isn’t really the norm.
As a Montessori teacher, I was taught to do this – to introduce at an early age the diversity of the world through striking visual images.
I was also trained to look at things through children’s eyes. And so when a cataclysmic event occurs, my first thought is with them.
My advice for parents:
-Do all you can to make this a meaningful event for your children, and to manage the meaning in a way that will build their character, their compassion, and their willingness to sacrifice for those in need.-Watch the news coverage with them, putting the images into words. Don’t let your little ones be blindsided by glimpses of dead bodies, weeping parents, and looting on TV or in the paper. Without your intervention, these images can produce deep fears which children have no language to share.
-Show them on a map where we live and where the hurricane struck.
-Teach them to give in a way that involves real sacrifice on their part. Put a jar in the middle of the table – a constant visual reminder – and fill it with change that would have gone to sweets or movie rentals or something currently taken for granted. Young children can only comprehend the abstract when we make it concrete. The sight of the jar, the sound of the change hitting the glass – these seem insignificant to us, but they are sensory cues which will shape memories for children of their first sacrificial giving.
-Be sure to share with them about the thousands of ordinary people on their way now to help – soldiers, Red Cross and Salvation Army relief workers, medical professionals, all kinds of people willing to drop everything and go help those in need. Remind them that our country is known for this kind of personal sacrifice and generosity. Show them pictures of the tents and mass food service and – as it begins – the reconstruction.
-Above all, read to them or tell them the stories of survivors. While it’s too early for these to appear, over the coming weeks they will. Then be sure to look for stories of courage and selflessness, along with stories of those who saved others’ lives. Look for stories that show God's Providence and let your children know that we can find reassurance from these small glimpses into God's plan
Basically, the idea is not to ignore what is going on – because your children are sure to be affected by the bits and snippets of news swirling around them and they often do not have the ability to put their fears into words (think how a child of divorce believes herself to be responsible and hides that terrible fear in her heart). Our role as parents is to help our kids make sense of reality and then point them in a positive direction with the stories of those who help and those who survive.
Of course, the main thing that will help our kids should they ever experience such devastation themselves is a solid foundation in faith. Memory verses will then be like treasures hidden in their hearts.
At Constant Hope, I found e-cards with stiking visual images that could go hand-in-hand with memory work to impress each unforgettable truth on your child’s heart. As parents, our job is to instill a message of hope, reinforcing in our children the habit of turning in that direction when times are tough. That’s why if we have a tendency to hopelessness, we must –and I rarely use the word must! – work extra hard to become hopeful ourselves in order to pass it on to our kids.
Who knows what our kids will face in the future? I know I want mine prepared, unhindered by my shortcomings, and ready to help others face whatever lies ahead.
Posted in Post-Katrina | Permalink
Comments
Barbara,
Thank you for posting this. I agree with you, it is worse than the media are able to protray it. I think it is going to have some long-term ramifications for this country that cannot be imagined right now. But I also think, as Christians, we have hope. We pick up and help in whatever way we can.
Posted by: Julana | August 31, 2005 8:41 PM
Thank you, Barbara. My children are too young at this point to understand any of this, but it is good for ME. To protect myself I tend to not want to know much about the suffering of others because I feel so helpless about it all. We don't have a TV so it is fairly easy, but since when was escapism the answer to our human condition? I do pray, but it is just so ephemeral, I think I could use some of your concrete suggestions myself.
Posted by: Cheri | September 1, 2005 4:13 AM
Thank you Barbara. I needed these ideas.
Posted by: floorplan | September 1, 2005 8:38 AM
Great suggestions, Barbara! Thank you! How very important it is to help our children do something "purposeful" with their emotions. My oldest (6), especially, is so anxious to help in some "physical" way.... Just this morning as we were watching the president's interview on television (rare event for us to turn on the tv!) it struck me that while what everyone says they need is cash - and they do! - the survivors also need hope! As Believers, we have that to offer. Many churches in surrounding areas will be doing much for these displaced people for a very long time. We are going to get addresses for just-outside-the-area churches (i.e. Texas) within our denomination (as a starting place) and have the girls draw beautiful pictures and send them along to the churches...it's something we can do from home (we live 20 minutes from a grocery store) while we give the nation's gas supply some time to recuperate. I would also encourage moms and dads to not neglect the power of prayer and teaching it to their children. I am so very convinced that prayer is for OUR benefit! We stop and pray several times a day, especially as we hear news bits on Christian radio, for everyone involved.
For the mommies and daddies - may I encourage you to do one more thing to help with the relief effort? If you have any type of reward program which offers hotel points, would you contact them and see if they would be willing to set up an account where people could donate their points for use by those displaced by Katrina? I have actually had more success with ours by e-mailing every customer service e-mail address I could find for our rewards program. Within five minutes I had an e-mail from a VP - whereas almost an hour on the phone was to no avail. Our program is in the process now of working out details for relief effort! They may have already been considering it - but receiving so much encouragement has certainly helped them move on it a bit more quickly.
Posted by: Kari | September 1, 2005 8:55 AM
Wonderful ideas, Barb. I have linked to this post on my blog, but don't know how to do the trackback thingy. Sorry.
Posted by: Cheryl | September 1, 2005 11:30 AM
Thank you, Barbara, for always having words of wisdom when needed.
I too linked to this entry from by blog but didn't know how to do the trackback thingy. It's amazing my blog actually gets published!
Posted by: mopsy | September 1, 2005 3:54 PM
Really good ideas Barbara, International Aid is just down the road from us. They were on the news the other night showing families working side by side stuffing relief packages to be shipped to the gulf coast. This would be a great thing to go down there and do with my family to contribute help in some small way and to teach compassion to my children.
Posted by: wendy | September 1, 2005 4:25 PM
