August 31, 2005 9:32 AM
New to this site? Welcome!
The radio interview I did yesterday with anita Lustrea (terrific interviewer!) on Moody's Midday Connection brought a thousand visitors to this site.
(You can hear the interview here.)
If this is your first introduction to the world of blogs, let me make you feel right at home. For those new to the blogosphere, check the blogroll on the left side for other Mommy/Mama/Mother Blogs. Each of these will also have blogrolls, and soon you will discover the ones that make you feel comfortable and connected.
I receive a lot of mail from moms who’ve felt isolated, depressed and alone. You are who I am writing for. I want more than anything to help you discover the joy in being a mom. Trust me – it’s there. But for a lot of different reasons – maybe our own mothers didn’t have it, maybe cultural pressure made us think motherhood was a second-class occupation, maybe we still need more spiritual and emotional growth – the joy remains hidden.
I promise you, if you truly want it and stick with those who’ve found it (knowing that we too have our struggles and bad days, but though we’re honest about them, we find more value in focusing on the positive) your whole experience of motherhood will improve.
Here’s something to get you started today. It’s an excerpt from The Mommy Manual:
Be of Good Cheer!Some people travel around the world, perfect their golf stroke or their makeup, and float through rooms right out of the pages of Architectural Digest. Others of us raise children – a brave and chaotic enterprise – dashing from doctors to Little League, clearing dinner dishes to make way for homework.
You may be reading thisbookblog with your first baby in your arms, just looking ahead to find out where you’re going.
You may already have a toddler or two – and maybe a baby as well. You may have a string of kids from 15 months to 15 years.
Your most useful accomplishment each day may be to get the little ones to nap simultaneously so you can get a little rest yourself. Or maybe a shower?
You may be reading this book in snatches, between diapers and feedings and picking up the house, a page – or even a paragraph – at a time. I know. I’ve been there myself. I still am. I write in snatches – a page, a paragraph at a time.
Right now – maybe only for a little while – you have little children in your life. You may be frustrated because they often seem unfocused, aimless, or distracted. Perhaps they’re not able to choose or concentrate on an activity and seem overly dependent on you for direction. Wherever they go, they leave a trail of clutter. Following behind, you’re often so busy cleaning up that you despair of finding time to be the kind of mother you think you should be.
At the end of the day, do you ever wonder what it’s all about? By then, you may be too exhausted to dream.
It’s easy for mommies to get discouraged. There’s so much work and so little recognition. No one gives you a report card or a performance review, not to mention a pay raise. No trophies, no awards, no medals.
That’s why you need to notice and hang on to the little things – the fact that your five-year-old has finally stopped whining, that your preadolescent son cleans the kitchen after dinner without being asked, that your eight-year-old actually does his homework without finagling, that your two- year-old has learned to hug the baby without smashing his nose.
Withnineseven of my 12 kids still at home, I know I have better odds than most of finding a little progress in someone’s life each day: something that gives me hope; something that helps me remember why I had them; something that makes it easier to wake up the next day with a smile. But I started out like all young mothers, with lots of work and little reward, learning how to live with toddlers.
Remember that parenting is one skill that can be learned only on the job. One of the biggest problems is that sometimes when we learn something new, it becomes a source of discouragement as we start to measure ourselves against an impossible standard.
Be on guard against this as you go through parenthood. If you resist being too hard on yourself, you will never lose the joy of learning new things.
Begin by saying: “I will never be the perfect parent.” Confidence is one of the greatest assets a parent can have. But note: Confidence doesn’t mean that we do the job perfectly but that we have faith and are willing to do it to the best of our ability.
As I said before: It’s good to have ideals – but make sure they lift you up, not bring you down.
Remember when I compared motherhood to running a marathon? Well, even the best runners can’t win the race if they’re doubtful or discouraged. I believe God wants us to be confident because then we’re at our best. Confidence doesn’t mean we think we can do the job perfectly, it just means we have faith and are committed to giving our best. Our confidence isn’t found in ourselves or our parenting techniques, but simply in God. He is with us every step of the way.
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)
There. I hope that helps today. And I hope that for every two steps forward you take in your journey of motherhood that even if you take a step backwards, you will not be discouraged, but will focus on all the steps forward you’ve taken before.
I hope that this blog will be a place of refreshment and encouragement for you. And I hope you will be led to the perfect other blogs you need to put together the pieces of your unique mothering style that even now is being shaped. If you've felt isolated, discovering other moms on the blogosphere may be just the kind of community you need to find the confidence and strength you need as a mother.
You are important and God loves you! Remember this old Jewish saying:
“God couldn’t be everywhere, so He made mothers.”
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Comments
Dear Barbara,
I've been browsing your blog for a couple of months now and I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time and effort to share and encourage us. I have found it inspiring, uplifting and often challenging. It has helped me rethink some long held ideas and confirmed me in others. It has made me laugh out loud. What more could I ask for in a blog? This post in particular was really what I needed to read right now. In the United Kingdom our media is so often a cause of active discouragement to mothers (and the Christian press little better). Coming across your blog was like stumbling upon a feast! I'm off to buy your book. Courage and blessings in the Lord.
Michelle
Posted by: Michelle | August 31, 2005 2:16 PM
Barbara, Thank you for all the things you've expressed on this site and your weblog - I've been just eating it up! And I plan to buy your book as well. It's so encouraging to be validated for this job.
I only have one child (just over 2 yrs.) and am interested in both Montessori methods and homeschooling, so I really appreciate all the info.
Posted by: Allie | August 31, 2005 3:49 PM
I'm so glad to have found your blog. Lately I've been feeling frustrated, in a rut, and "unguided" withmy 2 1/2 yr old only child. I don't have many christian friends(2, to be exact) so I've prayed for fellowship withother women who love the Lord and who I can turn to for support with raising my child the way God wants me to. I praise God for answering my prayers(even in a way I had totally not expected) through this site!
Posted by: cindie | September 1, 2005 6:09 AM
I, too, am so thankful to have found this blog and to have been introduced to your writings. I have finished Small Beginnings and Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room, and I am in the middle of The Mommy Manual and Ready, Set, Read. Needless to say, your writings are speaking to direct needs in my life. I have read skads of books on parenting and childcare, but never have I gleaned so much practical advice that is so biblically grounded. Like, one of the mothers who commented previously, I am particularly excited about how you are introducing me to Montessori methods. I would love to learn even more! At any rate, I know my almost 14 month old daughter, Sophie's life will be blessed by all I am learning from you. Thank you and blessings.
Posted by: Carrie | September 3, 2005 12:00 AM
