August 30, 2005 2:44 PM
Security in routines
“Routine is to a child what walls are to a house; it gives boundaries and dimension to his life,” wrote child psychiatrist Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs a few generations ago in the recently-reissued Children: the Challenge. Even as other parenting trends have come and gone, experts have consistently agreed that children need a daily structure to meet their security needs.
What is meant by daily routine? Not a rigid timetable, but simply a predictable sequence of events followed day after day. A typical preschooler’s morning might be: wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, clean the kitchen with Mommy, have playtime while Mommy does her work, put things away, read a story with Mommy, wash hands, have lunch.
Simple, really. But on this simple foundation the child’s character begins to build.
Children feel secure when they know what to expect. A familiar routine provides opportunities for them to make their own contribution to the flow of events. The child who wakes and toddles out to the kitchen to get out bowls and spoons and cereal is a vivid example of the power of routine to release the potential of the child. Since he knows what is coming next, he can take a more active role in the life of the family.
Since life has a way of bringing the unexpected, there must be room for flexibility. To help a child over the rough spots, be sure to explain what is going to happen: “Grandma is sick and Mommy is going to take care of her for a few days. Joannie will be here when you wake up.
You can show her where the breakfast things are and help her clean up. You can call me after you get dressed and at lunchtime. Daddy will be home for dinner every night I’m gone.”
With enough information, a preschooler with a solid routine is very likely to handle changes gracefully.
During the preschool years a child is highly receptive to routines, and they will build her confidence as she carries them out. Now is the time to teach taking off shoes by the front door, clearing the table after dinner, or hanging up towels after a bath.
It is also when your child will begin to comprehend the larger routines: weeks are followed by weekends, seasons change and we celebrate certain holidays each year. Parents who keep traditions consistent year to year will find their child eagerly anticipating each holiday. Again, knowing what’s coming gives a child security and provides an opportunity for him to more fully participate.
Some parents have to work harder than others to maintain a routine, but the results make it well worth the effort. As Dr. William Sears says in his excellent Thirteen Ways To Encourage Toddler Good Behavior, “Routines give a child a sense of mastery,”
They can certainly help us parents, too!
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