Mommy Life: My Loudoun Times-Mirror column 10/18

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October 28, 2006 10:17 PM

My Loudoun Times-Mirror column 10/18 - on abstinence

There's a story behind this column. A speaker was slated to speak to an assembly at Loudoun County High School on the subject of abstinence. A parent objected and went to the ACLU to try to shut down the assembly because the speaker happened to be a Christian (we live in Virginia, so Christians still have the freedom to speak here). Of course there was no way to legally block him from speaking, but the ACLU sent formal guidelines to the school principal to make sure there would be no altar calls :)

Because it had gained some media attention - the Washington Post is our daily newspaper in this area - some parents asked me to come so the event would have a chance of getting a fair write-up. That morning, Fox News, the Post, the ACLU and various left watchdog groups, the superintendent of Loudoun schools and their media liaison were all on hand. During the assembly, the Post photographer must have taken a couple hundred shots - many of the very receptive kids responding to a dynamic and very funny speaker. He even had them sign media release forms.

Was the Post's coverage fair and balanced? Check it out for yourself. The horrible picture and contemptuous title - "The Abstinence Shtick Minus Jesus" aren't even subtle, are they? Just one of the endless everyday examples of how the Post no longer makes any pretense of true journalism, but editorializes in just about every story, taking pot shots with no pretense of being objective.

I only get 500 words for my column – which is good discipline for any writer who’s got a lot to say. This column came in at 700. I asked my editor for extra space and was fortunate enough to get it. This column is an example of how my real-life experience has given me a unique platform to address controversial issues.

Abstinence: beyond religion, a choice that just makes good sense

We’ve come a long way, baby – especially when it comes to teens and sex. So when I heard a speaker slated to talk about abstinence at Loudoun County High had caused some backlash before saying a word, that got my attention.

Excuse me? In this pro-choice society – where sex is used to sell our kids everything from jeans to breath mints – there are parents who’d rather not have their kids exposed to the idea that it might be a good idea to wait?

Evidently so. Because Keith Deltano happens to be a Christian, there were worries that he might end up pushing his religion rather than what many people – no matter their faith or lack of it – think is a really good idea.

And abstinence is a good idea. Take it from this once-upon-a-time hippie chick – from way back the 60’s when there were only two STDs rather than the multitude today – who’s now been raising teens since the 80’s (with birth children ranging from 13-37): the Sexual Revolution has given lots or people a lot more baggage than they bargained for.

Take Chlamydia. The first time I heard that word, I was a party girl lying woozily post-op in a hospital bed, dealing with the news that I had a grapefruit-sized abscess on my Fallopian tube, and that I’d come within an inch of a hysterectomy. Instead it was three weeks in the hospital and a prediction of sterility.

Today there are seven Curtis kids who are glad I beat the odds. But many don’t, especially because Chlamydia is one of several STDs that do their damage while presenting no symptoms – for months or even years. With an estimated 89 million cases of Chlamydia nationally, it’s no wonder that infertility has become a major problem for many young women today.

The common assumption that condom use will adequately protect teens from STDs is just not true – as documented by government research. Deltano equips parents with the same information he provides their kids in Fighting Back: How to Promote Abstinence in a Sex-saturated World. This book, available at his website or from www.amazon.com, is filled with facts – facts not from some religious, right-wing organization but straight from the Center for Disease Control and the National Institutes of Health.

The truth is that disease doesn’t discriminate. If you’re exposed, it doesn’t matter what kind of family you come from or what religion you accept or reject.

The ACLU had provided “guidelines” for Deltano. They needn’t have worried. His website features a choice of two items to click: School Shows and Faith-Based Shows. Is it really that hard to understand that this award-winning teacher might care enough about the welfare of today’s kids that he would respect the legal code in order to carry his abstinence message to them?

I caught up by phone with Keith still on the road in Ohio. I introduced myself and thanked him for presenting abstinence as a choice based on common sense and self-esteem (“The lie is that you’re gonna do it anyway – like you’re some kind of gerbil on a wheel.” “Girls, your value comes from your mind and who you are – not your figure.”) – while offering hope for those who’d already chosen a different path.

Here’s evidence of that hope – an email posted a few days ago at his website:

Hi Mr. Deltano.

My name is ____________. I'm a junior at LCHS. You did a show at my school on the 12th of October. I just wanted you tell you how much we all enjoyed your message. I wanted to let you know that people at school that are sexually active, like myself, are starting on the path you told us about. You put things in perspective in a way us teenagers can understand and I wanted to thank you not only on my behalf but other teens like me. Thank you so much for coming, and please NEVER stop spreading the message in a way that makes sense to us! We may look like we're not listening, but we really are.

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to see Mr. Deltano bringing that kind of message to my kids’ high school too.