March 4, 2007 11:44 AM
Why forgive your mother?
I've been reading a wonderful book by Stormie Omartian - 7 Prayers that Will Change Your Life Forever. It's one of those very pretty gift books with short chapters. But Stormie has made every word count. There's no fluff here - just good solid advice to revolutionize your Christian walk.
I was especially struck with Chapter Three - The Prayer of Release. I'm going to excerpt some bits here, because I think it will resonate with some of you. If it does, you may want to read the whole book.
Stormie begins with a mercifully brief account - less than 150 words - summarizing her mother's sins against her. It's brief because it's not where Stormie chooses to dwell. She wants to share her healing:
Many years later I sat in front of Mary Anne, a Christian counselor, who told me I needed to forgive my mother if I wanted to find complete wholeness and healing. Forgive someone who treated me with hatred and abuse? Someone who has ruined my life by making me into an emotional cripple? How can I? I thought to myself, overwhelmed at the prospect of so great a task. I had already confessed my sins, and now my counselor was asking me to forgive my mother - all in the same counseling session."You don't need to feel forgiveness in order to say you forgive someone," Mary Anne explained. "Forgiveness is something you do out of obedience to the Lord because he has forgiven you. You have to be willing to say, 'God, I confess hatred for my mother, and I ask your forgiveness. . . .
As Stormie, in obedience, prayed for God’s forgiveness for her own sin of not forgiving, then prayed “God, forgive my mother,” she says she felt God’s love as never before.
It was the beginning of a process – especially since Stormie’s mother’s abuse continued and increased toward her.
For Stormie, the turning point came when she prayed, “Lord, help me have a heart like yours for my mother,” and in accepting God’s answer to that prayer,
I could see how her life, like mine, had been twisted and deformed by circumstances beyond her control. Suddenly I no longer felt hated her for it. I felt sorry for her instead.Being in touch with the heart of God for my mother brought such forgiveness in me that when she died a few years later, I had absolutely no bad feelings toward her. In fact, the more I forgave her, the more the Lord brought to mind good memories. I was amazed there were any at all.
Forgiveness leads to life. Unforgiveness is a slow death. Forgiveness is ongoing because once you’ve dealt with the past, constant infractions occur in the present. None of us get by without having our pride wounded or being manipulated, offended or hurt by someone. Each time that happens it leaves a scar on the soul if not confessed, released, and dealt with before the Lord. Besides that, unforgiveness separates you from people you love.
Though a lack of forgiveness does not change our status as born-again believers, Stormie explains why a broken relationship with an earthly parent limits our relationship with God and with our own children.
And I like the way she urges us to take responsibility:
Forgiveness is a two-way street. God forgives you and you forgive others. God forgives you quickly and completely upon your confession of wrongdoing. You are to forgive others quickly and completely, whether they admit failure or not. . .Forgiveness is a choice we make. We base our decision not on what we feel like doing but what we know is right. I did not like forgiving my mother. Instead, I chose to forgive her because God’s Word says, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
There are both spiritual and psychological reasons to forgive. The spiritual reason is that we desire to obey God. . .
The psychological reason is to free ourselves. . . .When we forgive, we make a choice to no longer allow other people’s sin to dictate how we feel or what we do. Forgiveness gives us the freedom to truly live our lives as God intended.
It was hard for me to understand that God loves my mother as much as he loves me. He loves all people as much as he loves me. The most important thing to remember is that forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, it makes you free.
I will be writing more over the next couple days on this theme: the freedom in forgiveness. In the meantime, if this is the next place in your spiritual journey, Godspeed!
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Comments
Thank you Barbara, I needed to hear this.
Posted by: Lauren | March 5, 2007 7:32 PM
I am looking for to hearing more on this topic. I needed to hear this as I'm working through these kind of issues at the moment. Amazing how God brings these timely messages to us!
Posted by: Laurie | March 5, 2007 8:34 PM
