April 24, 2007 7:32 AM
Raising boys
Valerie mentioned that she was reading the chapter in The Mommy Survival Guide that has to do with raising boys.
That chapter comes mostly from an article I wrote for Christian Parenting Today in 2001, which you can access by clicking below:
The Truth About Boys (and Girls)
Posted in Boys, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Well written! This all became clear to me when my oldest son, at age one, took a Barbie doll at his friend's house and drove it around like a car, complete with engine noises. And still true today - when the same son (almost 6 now) took his baby sister's stacking blocks and used them as "bullets". And when a little toddler girl came to play at our house the other day, she saw the boys' GI Joe building and promptly asked "Where's the kitchen?" :)
I feel truly blessed to have children of each gender - what a gift as I learn from them and they learn from each other.
Posted by: Lisa | April 24, 2007 11:21 AM
It is so true that boys are different than girls. I had three boys first. I had a friend long ago when my boys were little that said her daughter (that came and played at our home) couldn't play with guns. I told her that my boys would just use blocks, sticks, whatever they thought looked like a gun to play with. I do not know how many times they made guns with Legos. I had a daughter much later. She doesn't ever pretend anything is a gun. The only time she ever wanted to play with a gun was to squirt water because of the water not the gun. Although my boys can be very nurturing (even had two that put dollys under their shirts to be pregnant and to nurse) they are so much more competitive than their sister. They will be good daddys. Men and women were made to be one and so the differences are there from the beginning.
Posted by: momoffour | April 24, 2007 8:23 PM
I'm a christian, a neuroscientist, and a single mom of an 8 month old boy. I did enjoy your article, and there is much science to support it. In utero, boys and girls' brains are exposed to different hormones. Estrogen is the hormone that masculizes the male brain during gestation. There are even differences in gene transcription prior differences in steroid production by the gonads. Boys and girls are very much wired differently! And yes, my little boy acts very boyish- even as a baby.
Posted by: Beth | April 24, 2007 9:08 PM
Oh, how I love this subject. As the mother of two "as boy as it gets" boys (and one more to be here in a few days, Lord willing) I am always happy to hear a talk about the diferences in gender behaviour.
My oldest boy (soon to be five) started pretending to play with guns as soon as he was able to pick food with his little fingers. I remember the first time he grabbed a saltine, bit the corner of it, and started making shooting sounds. Then I noticed that he loved my wooden spoons so I gave him a few to play with; such spoons became swords in his hands.
At first I was very concerned about "his behaviour". Where is all this "violence" coming from? Why is he "acting" like this? We never watched violent movies, my husband and I respect each other, where could my son possibly be getting this ideas?
So I called my oldest brother and ask him to pray for my child; I consider him a very wise and very Spiritual man. Just the tone of my voice in my request made him very concerned. He quickly asked me about the "problem", ready to help me pray for my family. As I started relating to him my son's behaviour, he begun to chuckle; at first I was offended by it. Is this the "wise" guy I'm running to for help?
After I refer to him all my concerns, he asked me, as cold as he could, "so, I guess you would rather see him playing with dolls and makeup?....Let him be! He is a boy and that's what boys do. I'm not going to pray for your son, I'm going to pray for you; you need God's guidance so you don't interfere with who he is and what God created him to be. Your job is to channel that manliness for the grater good, not try to suppress who he is by nature. If you see him bullying, abusing, controlling or terrifying the neighboorhood, then there's a problem, until then, he is only being who he was meant to be".
I can't say I liked his answer, but I listened and I followed his advice. I have dedicated my days not only to watch my son play with more toy guns and swords that you can count, but to always talk to him about the difference between a hero and a criminal, a protector and an abuser. Many times I have been the "princess" in his make-believe games, and he has bravely rescued me from all sorts of monsters and "bad guys". I have traveled with him to far away imaginary places in search for a dragon that's threating a small village. I have been saved from the path of a racing train; I have been covered with his cape so the flying, hungry, evil birds would not see me or my "children" (his two year old brother) until we were safe.
A fantasy world indeed, but a world were he is ready to fight, to stand up for the weak and needy, to protect and defend those in need. If this is at all a reflection of who he'll be when he is older, hey, I feel proud of him already.
Sorry this got to be too long; I'm just passionate about raising boys to be what God intended them to be, not what I think they should be.
You can find a very vivid look into the heart of a man by reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I have also heard of "Bringing up boys" by Dr. Dobson, but I haven't read that one myself, although it is on my list of books to read soon.
Thanks for all the informative posts Barbara; such good work you are doing! Thanks a million.
Posted by: Lady Lovas | April 25, 2007 10:27 AM
