May 30, 2007 8:29 PM
Domestic violence is often closer than you know
Many of you know Kansas Milkmaid and the struggles she's going through. For those of us who've not experienced it, domestic violence can seem almost unbelievable.
Though I was abused as a foster child and my mother was involved in several abusive relationships, I have never experienced abuse as an adult. For that I thank God, since the odds were that I would become a battered woman eventually myself.
That was not the case - probably because of the combination of my personality and the fact that God was protecting me long before I knew Him. My first husband was a kind and loving man who married a spiritually ungrounded young woman who seemed to have overcome her past for a number of years before her demons (childhood abandonment and abuse) caught up with her and she abandoned a marriage for no good reason.
Through all my worst excesses which followed, I was still never a victim - even though I placed myself in many risky situations. I know that God was watching over me - and of course, I'm blessed with a kind and loving husband now. Although we were not Christians when we married, we did become Christians at the same moment in 1987. Which doesn't mean our marriage is perfect or even easy. It's just that when we're both focused on submitting our lives to God, things work very well.
In 2000, when the Plain Truth asked me to write an article about domestic violence, I interviewed a half dozen women who'd experienced abuse at the hands of their husbands. I wanted to answer the questions people have about how the cycle of violence can continue.
I offer this with a little embarrassment as I wrote it seven years ago and I've grown as a writer since then. Still there's some useful information and take-away value, so I asked KS Milkmaid if it would be all right with her if I mentioned her situation and shared this article in the hopes of increasing our understanding of what she's going through:
When Home is Where the Hurt Is.
Christina needs our prayers tomorrow especially -
Please pray specifically for our family’s safety on Thursday at 2:30. Once the litigation is settled, I will share more about how God is working to protect and redeem my family.
That would be 2:30 Central Time - so 3:30 here on the east coast, 1:30 for you all out west. Let's remember to pray for this family.
Posted in KS Milkmaid | Permalink
Comments
I am so sorry to hear of this situation, Barbara. I had visited her blog at some time in the past but wasn't aware of this turn of events. She and her children will be in my prayers.
Posted by: KatieButler | May 30, 2007 10:47 PM
Thank you for this excellent post. I know that the "down and dirty" part of life is something that most of us don't want to talk about or even be associated with....but, it needs to be addressed. It is so easy to judge, so easy to walk (or run) away, and so very easy to say to a hurting person in need "Well, I hope everything works out for you...I'll be praying." and then your prayer is "Thank you God for not making ME like that" or something along those lines.
Don't misunderstand me, prayer is the FIRST thing we should be doing, but then putting some action behind those words in whatever practical way we can. If you are a Believer, then help your Sister or Brother in need and let God work through you. Please don't wish them blessings and be on your way....love them.
Thank you Lord for loving me and for dragging me out of the pit I was in. Thank you Adonai for making my deeds of the past something that can be of use now and thank you for other Believers that aren't afraid to be transparent and to show your wonderful Glory through them.
"You turned my mourning into dancing! You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my well-being can praise you and not be silent; Adonai my God, I will thank you forever!" Tehillim (Psalms) 30:12
Shalom!
C.A. Worcester
Posted by: C.A. Worcester | May 31, 2007 12:43 AM
C. A. - you are so right. It's easy to give a glib "I'll be praying for you." Those of you who visit KS Milkmaid, be sure to see this post http://www.fullerfamilyfarms.com/2007/05/glorifying-god-in-the-rubbleabout people coming together to help this farming family in practical ways. They really do need a lot of support right now - and are seeing God's love as people who are in a position to do more than pray come forward.
KS Milkmaid is helping the body of Christ by allowing us to walk through this journey with her. Please remember her husband in your prayers as well. He is not a villain, but a sinner like all of us. If we all only knew how close we dance to the edge of sin and chaos everyday - no matter how well-structured and righteous we think ourselves to be.
Only God's grace. . .
Posted by: barbara | May 31, 2007 7:19 AM
I've seen a Christian friend endure years of abuse, and finally escape, only to encounter resistance from the church around her -- the church she'd been attending even went so far as to excommunicate her for seeking a divorce. (Without a divorce, our legal system provides very little in the way of protection.) Thankfully, she's found another church body that is willing and able to minister to her and her children, although their limited knowledge is sometimes an issue. I will add KS Milkmaid to my prayers; I know this is a hard time for her and her children.
A dear woman who led a Bible study on Ephesians that I participated in some years ago started the discussion of submission within marriage by saying, "Your husband is, first and foremost, your brother in Christ. If there is consistent, unrepentant sin of any type in his life, he needs to be confronted on that, just as anyone else would. If the sin is abuse, the confrontation should be done by someone else, after you have found safety." I found that this simple statement preceding the discussion did a wonderful job of putting submission in its proper context, and I wish that submission were taught in that context more often.
Newt
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | May 31, 2007 8:03 AM
I am so glad you posted this, Barbara. I had not been to her site in a long time but something made me take a look this weekend and both my husband and I were shocked to find out all that she has had to deal with. I wish we lived closer so we could help her. I have been amazed at how well she is keeping her eyes on Christ through all this. She is glorifying God in her struggles. She will be in my prayers.
-Laurie
Posted by: Laurie | May 31, 2007 10:30 AM
Her site is "temporarily unavailable" all of a sudden - is she ok?
Posted by: Marie | June 1, 2007 1:39 AM
My heart is heavy and worried for our Christina. It is unnerving that her blog is "down".
I know God has not forsaken her and remains her protector, but I am frightened for her just the same. I hate to even think of what she is walking through.
Posted by: whimsy | June 1, 2007 7:29 AM
This is an excellent site http://www.gospelthemes.com/abuse.htm regarding the issue of domestic violence in Christian homes! Included on this site is an important open letter to pastors and elders. I highly recommend this to anyone seeking to gain more information and help regarding this issue. The books and tape series on marriage are excellent and give wonderful counsel from a Biblical perspective to women in 'desperate marriages'.
Posted by: D.A. | June 1, 2007 7:03 PM
Barbara,
I read your article about domestic violence. I grew up in a very abusive family. Both of my parents were abusive, my mother encouraged my brother to be abusive to me. She tried to strangle me when I was 17. I'm 28 now. By the grace of God, I have a beautiful family and a very loving and patient husband who loves the Lord. I used to think I didn't have much of a testimony, but I know that what God has saved me from is a testimony in itself. The difficult thing for me is that I am very intentionally removed from my family. In our society and in the church, there are expectations and people don't want to talk about such things. It's not surprising to me that women in the church feel helpless or don't seek help from the church. The church can be harshly judgmental and misunderstanding.
As of today, I still am very guarded in what I tell people. People make presumptions and I can't exactly just come right out and say - "well my parents tried to kill me and so I live two continental divides away because they are dangerous threatening people." So I deal all the time with very little or no support from the church when in turn, shouldn't the church be my family?
Someday perhaps God will use my experiences and the things I've learned. I'm very thankful that thus far, he's helped me break the abusive cycles in my family. It's a constant struggle though.
In the meantime, my heart goes out to Chris and especially her children. It's just a really scary thing to go through and it's very rare to come through it as I have...but by the grace of God...he will bind up the brokenhearted and he heals our wounds.
~ Catherine
PS if you happen to respond for any reason, please email me at mailto:cat@seanandcat.com Our website is unprotected and I have to be pretty careful about information. Thanks!
Posted by: Catherine | June 14, 2007 7:47 PM
