July 27, 2007 11:12 PM
Advice for working mother
Hi there.My name is Katy and I am a first time Mom to a 4 month old girl. What can I do at home to create the happiest, calmest environment for my family if I work full time? Please do not think badly of me for working. Right now, my husband feels that I need to return to work at least for a time. I will be teaching across the street from Little Bit's daycare, and I have done everything I can to make her feel safe and bonded (big Sears fan). If one more woman belittles me or my husband for me returning to work I will have a nervous breakdown as I've cried more tears over this than I can count. I just want to know what I can do at home to keep the serenity as much as possible.
I am certainly not going to belittle you, Katy. Thanks for trusting me enough to ask for my advice. But I'm thinking there are some working moms out there who have more experience and can be of more help.
Laura, are you out there? Anyone else have some encouragement and helpful ideas for Katy?
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
I worked for a while outside the home - for over a year I had 5 children age 6 and under and worked two jobs.
My advice - if you do nothing else, make sure you have meals under control. The bathroom might be dirty, the vacuuming undone, and no one cares too much...but if dinner is two hours late, EVERYONE'S stress goes way up! If you are eating out or boxed meals full of chemicals, everyone's health will decline and you'll have crabby people on your hands, as well as a lighter wallet.
I've found using my slowcooker, and planning a week's worth of meals IN ADVANCE and having the ingredients on hand to be key.
The book Saving Dinner, by Leanne Ely, is a great resource - she not only plans healthy, varied, and tasty meals, she includes a grocery list.
I also posted last year about Pantry Cooking:
http://milehimama.blogspot.com/2006/11/wfmw-quick-and-easy-pantry-cooking.html
I really do have a list taped to my cupboard of quick fix meals, some ready in 10 minutes - that I always have the ingredients for.
I planned my meals on my lunchhour, and sometimes shopped - even if I just bought non perishables, it saved me time if I just had to run in for milk or something later - although I lived in Denver so for 3/4 of the year I could just put my groceries in a cooler in the back of the car and be safe!
The next thing to do your darndest to keep under control is the laundry - again, the stress rises if there is no clean underwear, or if the baby spits up on you and it's your last clean shirt!
If the people you love have clean clothes, fresh jammies for bed, and full tummies it goes a long way towards a peaceful house - and provides opportunities for snuggles!
Posted by: Milehimama | July 27, 2007 11:54 PM
I work part time. I've been blessed with being able to take my son with me since his birth. It's been REALLY hard at times to be a good employee and mommy at the same time. I work 4 mornings a week and right now he comes with me 1 morning and spends other mornings with family and friends. He's 3. I think we are rounding a corner where he'll be able to spend more time at work with me again. Having him there is my preference.
Anyway... the thing that I have found most useful for a peaceful home is routine and planning. If we all know what is expected next it helps me to deal with the unexpected. Meals need to be planned. Diaper bags packed the night before. We also try to have couple time after the boy is in bed. Hope that gives her some ideas.
Posted by: Robin | July 28, 2007 1:37 AM
Hi Katy,
I worked when my youngest was born. He was 7 weeks old when I went back to work. I think Robin is right in that planning is essential and you have to make time for your husband.
Also, just know it is going to be hard. Very, very hard. I think your child will be fine. You sound like a very loving, involved mother who will spend every moment you have together wisely. I always felt like I was being pulled in a million directions and I wasn't succeeding in anything. Hopefully, your husband will be there to help out. Talk about it NOW and have a plan and make sure he's flexible to change.
Also acknowledge that everything won't be perfect. Your house may be messy, you may be cooking pasta with Ragu every night, and that's ok. Heck, I stay home and my house is STILL messy and I have piles of laundry to do! Don't compare yourself to other mothers--working or staying home. Every family is different and this is what you have to do right now. Try not to feel guilty. I would say DON'T feel guilty--but I know that may be impossible. We moms always feel guilty about something right? :-)
I don't know that this will make you feel 'better' but I'm just trying to be realistic with you. You have to give yourself and your husband some slack. Try to cut the guilt and frustration and just be. Do what you have to do and tell everyone else to be quiet. Better yet, tell them exactly how those statements make you feel. Let them feel a little guilt.
Good luck. Keep us up to date.
Posted by: Alison | July 28, 2007 9:40 AM
Laura - first encouragement: I went through the same thing! I felt so alone, especially when I could count the number of working moms in my church on half of a hand. I have been encouraged, even recently (I now work part time) by my current pastor and my former pastor's wife, who have reminded me that working outside of the home (by choice or no) is not a gospel issue. You have different opportunities to live out the gospel before the world because you work outside the home, but those opportunities are no less significant than they are for those who are able to stay home with their children.
Now for the practical: When I came home, I spent at least the first 45 minutes to an hour just focusing on my child before my husband came home. Forget about dinner. Reconnect with your child. My husband was also very good about sharing dinner making and house management duties (which are reduced when noone is home to make a mess all day!). We did eat out more than we do now. I know you need to eat, but when your time is limited, relationships take priority. We tried to plan meals with varying degrees of success, but the bottom line was, we didn't starve. And we spent as much time as we could together. We did alot of nighttime parenting, and as a baby our girl spent lots of time in bed with us.
Having a first baby is a big adjustment and grieving your ability to stay home adds another dimension to it. Please be kind to yourself.
Posted by: Kim | July 28, 2007 9:55 AM
Hi Katy!
I'm at home, but my mom was a teacher at an elementary school. She would have seasons when she could stay home, or maybe only work part of a day (that was when kindergarten only was half a day!). She wanted to stay home so badly with the 3 of us, but Dad thought some years she needed to work.
I'll tell you what meant the most to us. We knew she wanted to be with us. She didn't mope about when she was home. But when she picked us up from our neighbor's house, she was sooo happy to see us! I think that children of women who have to work sense the difference and feel more secure. Mom didn't see me as some kind of burden that is keeping her from her "God-given talent of having a career instead of me". I think, from the tone of your note, that your little one will feel the same sense of security.
Oh, and Mom wasn't the perfect house keeper. It was always clean, not always tidy. We ate well because she has always said I love you by cooking for us!
Hope this helps.
In Christ,
Sara
Posted by: Sara | July 28, 2007 1:41 PM
Thank you all so much. I'm beginning to feel like I can handle this! :)
Posted by: Katy | July 29, 2007 9:18 AM
Katy,
I went back to work when my first was 12 weeks old. It was a necessity at the time and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was in a Sunday School class w/ 40-50 other couples and I was 1 of 2 moms that worked...everyone else stayed home. It was very hard. I'll just briefly echo what some of the other posters have mentioned...plan your meals, double recipes and do prep work (like browning meat, chopping veggies) when you have time and freeze what you can. Also enlist your hubby to help around the house...let him do things to "his" level of completion! Enjoy your evening times together as a family just playing and hanging out. It sounds like you're very aware of your little one's personality and needs and working will not change that. Hang in there!
Posted by: Lari | July 29, 2007 3:17 PM
