July 19, 2007 11:50 AM
Sibling rivalry
I haven't had a lot of sibling rivalry at younger ages with my kids, though I could write a book on the friction between teenage daughters :)
So Joni and I would really appreciate your help with this one:
I have a question for you, and it's probably an age-old one, but even if there is no easy answer, perhaps you can give me some ideas of things you have tried. Here it is...my kids (ages 5,4, and 2) CONSTANTLY bicker and argue, especially the oldest two (boy and girl, respectively). It is unnerving. I try (and have tried!) many things including consequences, teaching them how to peaceable solve disputes, having them memorize scriptures, and lots more. To no avail. I'm desperate for help because now there's an added element...the oldest, my son, is teasing his middle sister mercilessly. Most of the time, he does this when he thinks his dad and I can't see or hear him. Nothing seems to influence him to stop.
Help!
Thanks for considering my question,
Warmly,
Joni
I will just start by saying that a pattern of undesirable behavior is really a symptom of something that needs to be worked out in the child's character. Stopping behavior patterns from the outside is like putting a bandaid on a cancer lesion. That won't fix it permanenntly.
So whatever strategies we come up with for "handling" behavior needs to be accompanied by thought and prayer so that we know how to lead the child spiritually to help them deal with the root cause of the behavior - insecurity, jealousy, a mean streak, whatever. Children have sin in their lives too and need help dealing with overcoming it with Christ's help.
Now for readers: What has worked in your home?
Posted in Mothering, Preschoolers, Toddlers | Permalink
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Comments
We have a similar problem sometimes. My oldest son and oldest daughter (age 9 and 6) simply do not get along. Their personalities simply rub the wrong way.
We have several remedies. One I posted on my blog not too long ago - and it really works!
http://milehimama.blogspot.com/2007/06/wfmw-sibling-rivalry.html
We also use writing. Sometimes it's old fashioned sentences "I will be civil to my sister". "I will not call names".
Sometimes it's essays "What I love About My Family" "Why Might does Not Make Right" "Name Calling Is Wrong Because..."
Sometimes it's lists "Ten Things I Like About My Sister".
Also, I've found that making a child apologize properly (Say you are sorry, name the offense, and ask forgiveness) goes a long way as well.
(I'm sorry I pulled your hair. Will you please forgive me?)
HTH, (and I'm not an expert, just another mom in the trenches.
Posted by: Milehimama | July 19, 2007 1:16 PM
Well that hits really close to home. I have no answers. I'm thinking of cloning myself 10x so that each of my kids has enough Mommy Time.
Posted by: Lisa | July 19, 2007 1:43 PM
Here's my answer to how we solved the bickering between siblings. I wrote a post about it a few years ago.
Help There's a Bully In My House
We started this with my children when they were all quite young. Five out of six are now in their teen years now and are "mostly" in the habit of working out disagreements on their own. It's been a real help to our family, hope it helps.
Posted by: Spunky | July 19, 2007 2:22 PM
i have 6 children (14, 8, 6, 5, 4, and 2.5) and i've found that when one 'picks on' another or just won't stop following them around, it's because the 'bully' is bored. when i keep my kids busy with work around the house (cleaning bathrooms, drying dishes, cleaning out the utensil drawer, whatever...) they leave each other alone. and when i don't keep them busy, it ain't pretty!!
i've also discovered that when my children aren't being challenged intellectually that it comes out in nit-picking and turning on each other. like maybe they can feel their brains starting to atrophy so they get the wigglies and 'act out'. i don't know. anyway, it may be hard for me to put that schedule or chore list or school plan together, but it's MUCH easier than playing referee all day. around here it ebbs and flows. i wish i had a chore list every day and school planned for the next 15 years....but i don't.
so i guess this comment is for me as much as for the next person!
deborah
Posted by: deborah | July 19, 2007 11:12 PM
