September 30, 2007 4:45 PM
Challenging a school and community to rise above prejudice
Remember the sad, sad situation with our neighbor over a year ago when her son and some of his friends chased Jonny away as he tried to join them in shooting hoops on their driveway? We'd lived here for three years and Jonny and the other boys have ridden the bus to school together all that time, yet it was the first time he'd ever attempted to join in their fun. I was shocked by the hostility the boys displayed, but wrote a very nice letter to my neighbor, hoping to come up with a solution to what I saw as a missed opportunity. You can read it here.
My neighbor's response was condescending and cruel. Not only did she support what happened - under the rubric that kids should be allowed to choose their own friends - but she let me know that my thoughts on the benefits of friendships with kids with disabilities were certainly beneath her attention as she had an advanced degree and experience in Special Ed!!!!! You can read it here.
It's been over a year since that happened and not only have we not spoken since, but the neighbors whose support she recruited have not spoken to us either. The one boy Jonny's age who used to visit him occasionally stopped coming by. I can only assume that my neighbor drew some satisfaction out of further isolating us - and I understand now that there must have been some upset in this uptight little piece of paradise when the weird family with four kids with Down syndrome moved in.
Why bring it up now?
Let me set the stage: I live outside the village of Waterford - a bastion of liberalism which prides itself on its Quaker heritage. The village itself is preserved as an historic town. Surrounding it are parcels of six or more acres which have attracted a lot of sophisticated people with money to buy and maintain big houses. I like Waterford, with roads so narrow that oncoming cars have to dosey-do and most people wave. I love my little post office with the dear ladies who take care of my mail. I love that it's not like California, where boutiques and fancy delis galore would draw tons of tourists and traffic. I like it that the pace in the village remains simple and slow, a reminder of a kinder, gentler time.
Waterford has an elementary school with about 160 students. It's where Maddy went to fifth grade several years ago. But my children with Down syndrome had not gone there since we moved here four years ago, as the county has pushed sending them to a larger school with "more services."
In the spring of 2006 when I called to say I wanted Justin to go to kindergarten at Waterford, I was discouraged from enrolling him - something about it not being the best place to meet his needs. I knew that this was wrong - and actually probably illegal - but I let it go. I didn't want to force the issue - didn't want to put Justin in the position of going to school where he was not wanted.
Justin spent a year being bussed out of our district to a huge school where he was put in a program that was not full inclusion, in a group of six or seven kids with disabilities who went as a group into a kindergarten class or art class or music class - or who spent time in a teensy - and in my opinion, inadequate - little room that looked like an afterthought.
That was the year that I became radicalized about my special needs kids' education. I realized that for 13 years I'd been the happy-camper parent waking into IEP meetings and signing on the dotted line, assuming that everyone had my children's best interest at heart.
What a fool I was!
While I’d had verbal promises that Justin would be effectively in full inclusion, the teachers pretty much did what they felt like because of weaknesses in his IEP. But things are different now.
Last spring, I called Waterford again and let them know that Justin was coming to his home school no matter what. Over a couple months I fought hard to make sure he would be fully included in the morning kindergarten class with no pullouts – just like every other kindergartner. He also stays for the afternoon kindergarten session, where he does receive speech therapy and occupational therapy – known as pull-outs.
Justin rides the neighborhood bus just like all the other kids. I think his teachers are fully on board. As the first day of school approached, everything seemed to be coming up roses.
Until I learned that Waterford’s new guidance counselor is the very neighbor whose life is a perfect illustration of prejudice - she judged Jonny without ever having met him - and who has been perfectly happy for over a year to allow this terrible situation to go unresolved (aren't guidance counselors supposed to help others with relationship problems?).
When I found out she was the guidance counselor, I was aghast. My letters to the principal met with rebuffs and I found myself marginalized, being required to make a formal written application to observe my son’s class (something not required of other parents)– an application which I was told might be denied. Our experience with our neighbor's prejudice was dismissed as having “no bearing” on the situation at school.
One morning at 4:00 I woke up and it was as thought the whole situation had been illuminated and all the dots connected. I realized how prejudice against children with Down syndrome has become part of the fabric of this community. We’ve lived here for four years and I can see now that we must always have been quite unwelcome, bringing in four kids with mental disabilities. Way to bring down the neighborhood!
And you see, there are two other kids with Down syndrome in our community – one seven year old being bussed out of Waterford even though his siblings go to the school because his mother, like me last year, doesn’t want to send him where he’s not wanted. The other child will be kindergarten age next year and his mother has picked up the same message and expresses the same reservation about sending him where he isn’t wanted. All three of us have used the same language in dealing with our disappointment that our children didn't/won't attend their home school: "I don't want to send him where he's not wanted."
See why the Rockwell painting I posted the other day reminds me of the situation?
See the tomato splat on the wall? So these people where I live are more sophisticated and subtle, but it’s the same bigotry and fear that needs to be overcome.
I have become a member of the Board of Directors for PEATC – Parent Education Advocacy Training Center. I’m also signed up for a seminar next month in Wright’s Law. I’m determined to become an effective advocate for all of my sons.
I think it’s intolerable that a small school which has finally enrolled its first MR (the Loudoun label mentally retarded) student should defend a guidance counselor with any taint of prejudice toward the mentally handicapped. And I think a parent who brings that charge should be taken as seriously as one who brings a charge of racism. If she condoned kids chasing my son off her property and forbidden him to come there again because he was black, there’d be no question, would there? Well, what of discriminating simply because he has Down syndrome? Jonny’s a very capable, independent kid – but how would she know that since she didn’t even want to find out who he was or what he could do?
How can a person like this protect Justin’s – or other developmentally delayed kids’ – interests in all the situations which may arise at school?
Referring to the Rockwell painting again, I’m reminded how public schools are an agent of change in the community and how the fact that three Down syndrome kids are bussed out of their district just perpetuates the prejudice here – leading to the mentality of mothers who panic when their baby is diagnosed with Down syndrome. Of course they want an abortion – who wants to have a kid like that one that has to get on the funny bus every day?
This is what’s been going on with me the last couple weeks which has made my blogging more sporadic as I’ve been focused on communicating what needs to be communicated in this situation. I’ve asked for a meeting the first week of October with people in higher authority and representatives from advocacy groups to bring some much needed accountability – hopefully not just more circling the wagons.
I’ve written a lengthy position paper which you can read by clicking on Continue Reading.
September 19, 2007
To:
P. J. Lynn, Principal, Waterford Elementary School
Mary Kearney, Director of Special Education
Michael Martin, Director of Elementary Education
Patricia Allenson, Supervisor of Guidance and Health Services
Cherie Takamoto, Executive Director, Parent Education Advocacy Training Center
Terry Braxton, President, PEATC Board of Directors
Eleanor Voldish, Director, Larc of Loudoun County
Portraits of a community:
• A Waterford fifth grade girl is told that her family was not invited to a community family barbecue because of her brothers with Down syndrome: “They might burn themselves on the fire.”
• A mother with children in Waterford Elementary School calls to enroll a sibling in kindergarten and instead of being welcomed like any other parent, is told it would not be in his best interest as WES lacks facilities to meet his needs. He has Down syndrome.
• A Waterford parent condones a group of seventh graders shooting hoops on her driveway chasing away the seventh grader next door when he approaches them to join in. Though she claims to be a former special ed teacher and though she has never met him in person, she says she doesn’t want the responsibility of having him on her property because he has Down syndrome.
• A second mother with one WES graduate calls to enroll her son with Down syndrome in their home school. She also is discouraged by the principal, and when she protests that her son can add a lot to the lives of other students, the principal also notes her background in special education.
• A mother living near Stumptown Road, upon hearing that a neighbor plans to enroll her toddler with Down syndrome at WES when he is kindergarten age, tells another neighbor – who happens to be president of the board of PEATC – she doesn’t want her son in the same class with him.
• One of the mothers who met resistance to her son’s enrollment at WES – after a year of having her son bussed out of district to a very unsatisfactory educational situation, fights to have him included at Waterford Elementary. Shortly before school starts, she learns that the prejudiced next door neighbor is the new guidance counselor
• Upon informing the principal of the guidance counselor’s history of prejudice, the mother is marginalized and told that her experience “has no bearing.” (Please see attached correspondence.) In addition, she becomes the victim of discrimination by being told she must submit a written request to observe her son’s class and that her request may well be denied.
What is wrong with this picture? And how are these random portraits related?
They show a community that – even while priding itself on its progressive attitude – harbors deep-seated prejudice toward children with mental handicaps. And they illustrate how by abdicating its responsibility toward all children within its boundaries, a school has allowed this prejudice to be perpetuated within the community.
Historically, public schools have been the agent of social change in this country. While integration of the schools was forced to secure rights for all students, as children of all colors went to school together the benefits for our society were enormous: as children learned and worked together, they grew up with less bigotry and fear.
Similarly, while IDEA represented an effort to secure rights for individuals with a full spectrum of disabilities within the public school system, the larger societal benefit has been more significant integration – and less fear – of people with handicaps into our society.
Children going to school with other children with disabilities will some day grow up to be teachers and employers. The more familiar they are with a full spectrum of disabilities, the less prejudice they will have and the more opportunities there will be for all children to grow into fully supported – and fully supportive – relationships within their community.
Waterford Elementary School has been remiss in passing up opportunities – and dodging its responsibility – not only to provide an education for mentally retarded children within its boundaries, but also in neglecting the full education of their future neighbors, employers and teachers in a experiential appreciation of the gifts such children have to offer.
Because mentally retarded children have been routinely bussed out of our school district into others, parents also have had their deep-seated prejudice unchallenged – resulting in a community atmosphere of non-acceptance and fear.
Waterford Elementary has been out of synch with other western Loudoun County schools in this regard. Witness Loudoun Valley High School, where in 2004 a young woman with Down syndrome was voted homecoming queen – actually a common phenomenon across the United States (check Google).
There are no excuses for this situation, which has left an entire community crippled. Parents of mentally retarded children have been marginalized, hurt, and discouraged. Their children are the victims of prejudice by other children and adults. And those considering themselves superior by virtue of their intellectual gifts have been free to exercise their bigotry unchallenged.
School personnel cannot continue to claim – in a some-of my-best-friends sort of way – that their educational or professional background in Special Ed shields them from charges of prejudice, whether overt or passive. This is a case where actions speak louder than words. And as has been demonstrated time and again, the personal is most assuredly the political.
As parent of the first MR student at Waterford Elementary School – and as a member of the Board of Directors of the Parent Educational Advocacy Training Center – I am not content to just put a band-aid on this situation. I am truly sorry that my concerns about a new staff member’s prejudice were not taken seriously and I myself became the target of discrimination. But that just proves my point.
I welcome the chance to meet with school personnel who can provide some oversight and accountability as we deal with the deeper issues that have come to light through this chain of events. I would also like to invite participation from PEATC and LARC.
To move forward, there must be an acknowledgment of the history of discouraging parents – no matter how subtly – from enrolling their children in their home school when their desire has been a Least Restrictive Environment. There must be acknowledgment that this has not been legally or ethically appropriate.
The school – in conjunction with advocacy groups – needs to establish a proactive program to educate the staff and parents of the philosophy of full inclusion as well as its benefits for all students – not just those with disabilities. Inclusion theory is not just based on doing a favor for those who are “less than,” but recognizes that every child has a unique contribution to offer his or her community. There needs to be some making up for lost time so that this small and tight-knit (sometimes for better, but here for the worse) community can begin to break the bonds of prejudice toward people with mental disabilities.
There is precedent in this type of situation for a major shake-up in personnel.
At the very least, the last thing Waterford Elementary School needs right now is a guidance counselor who has demonstrated and continues to demonstrate in her personal life extreme prejudice toward individuals with Down syndrome – not simply “alleged,” but documented with Ms. Siker’s written correspondence. This is a case where Do As I Say and Not As I Do just will not work. Waterford needs professionals who can truly model acceptance and understanding of the gifts children with Down syndrome have to offer – not only for the sake of students, but for the rest of the staff and parents in the community.
For this reason, if the school district is not willing to discharge Ms. Siker, common sense dictates that she be transferred to a school district that has already demonstrated a high level of acceptance so there will be safeguards to help her grow while preventing prejudicial attitudes from being passed on to students, parents and staff.
Waterford Elementary School needs a guidance counselor who truly embraces inclusion to ensure that over Justin’s next six years – and the years of future students with the MR label – should any relational problems develop, these children will be safe and their families assured that such problems will be addressed with a complete lack of prejudice.
The fact that my initial concern was dismissed out-of-hand only underscores the pervasiveness of the problem. Waterford Elementary School needs to stop defending the status quo and marginalizing families of students with mental disabilities – which means honestly confronting prejudice and doing something meaningful about it.
Our family will be gone the week of 9/22-9/29. I am proposing a meeting the first week of October involving all appropriate LCPS administration and staff, as well as representatives from PEATC and LARC.
I am very grateful that things were this clearly revealed early on so we could have the opportunity to address this issue constructively as a team. Justin’s future – and the future of other children with Down syndrome in our community – will be brighter because of our efforts to work together on this.
Sincerely,
Barbara Curtis
Posted in Disabilities, Down syndrome, Loudoun County | Permalink
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Comments
Oh, Barbara! I can barely keep tears from trickling down my cheeks. I'm aghast, though (sadly) not surprised. Not so much at Loudoun County - Since we lived on the Maryland side of the river when we were up "north," I didn't know much about the schools and politics in Loudoun.
What doesn't surprise me is public schools and their idea of "inclusion." Or lack thereof. Your comment about the room that looked like an afterthought just hit me in the gut. Had I not had my first baby when I did, I would have quit teaching that year anyway. I was truly disgusted by what the county (and we live in a pretty "good" county so far as public schools go in Virginia) considered to be equal education for children with special needs. I knew that our future children would never thrive in such an environment should they have the same learning differences my husband and I have. I had no idea what I would do, as homeschooling was the furthest thing from my mind, but I knew my kids couldn't go to our local public schools unless something changed drastically before then.
I think about my friend's baby boy with Downs ~ about someone treating him the way your boys are being treated. It makes me so angry and so sad at the same time. And the children with the learning differences aren't the only children losing out! It's not fair to the children who could potentially be their classmates and who would reap what we could never teach them through curriculum!
But then, I'm not sure why I am surprised. This is the society in which moms-to-be/parents-to-be are so fearful, misinformed, or (sadly) selfish that they will kill a baby in utero just because of the possibility of a Downs diagnosis. As much as has changed in the last forty or fifty years, so much still hasn't.
~Kari
Posted by: Kari @ HealedWaters | September 30, 2007 4:53 PM
Barbara,
Have you made a formal, written request for an IEP review? Once you do, the IEP team, including a member of the administration, us required by law to have the meeting within 30 days.
You might start sending correspondence via certified mail, return receipt requested. That will get their attention!
Keep fighting!
Posted by: Milehimama | September 30, 2007 5:10 PM
Barbara
I am so sorry that you guys are struggling with this. And shame that woman for being this way. What a way for a guidance counselor to be. And what a fine way to raise children. Treating others like this. I can not even imagine. So far here in Kansas I have been very blessed with the caring and work they do to include my Andrew. I will be praying for this situation. I can not believe how they have minimized the situation.
Amy
Posted by: Amy | September 30, 2007 7:18 PM
Wow, you go, girl! I'm sure you're in for quite fight so just remember that the battle is the Lord's. Our rural school district has changed over the years but it took persevering families, several lawsuits & a new head of Spec. Ed. to see results. While our district is not perfect, it is night & day different from what it was when Evan was in Kindergarten 13 years ago. When he finished in May (having gone to a combined program in our public school & a Christian school his entire education)it was good to see that things really do change sometimes. We'll be praying for you as you go through this situation. And, when things get rough, a good cup of peppermint tea always helps!
Posted by: Lori F | September 30, 2007 8:00 PM
"I don't want to send him where he's not wanted."
Scary how that echoes Planned Parenthood's "Every child must be a wanted child..."
GRRRRR! This is maddening. But you are a tenacious advocate, trusting in our wonderful God.
Because of your inspiration, I am making 2 new friends this year at church. Both Down Syndrome adults. Thank you.
deb meyers
Posted by: floorplan | September 30, 2007 9:58 PM
Barbara-
You are doing a fantastic thing-Getting the word out about down syndrome children and the joy they are. My eyes have been opened wider. Your fight is worthy and I just wanted to thank you for your perseverance.
Posted by: Barbara | September 30, 2007 9:59 PM
"School personnel cannot continue to claim – in a some-of my-best-friends sort of way – that their educational or professional background in Special Ed shields them from charges of prejudice, whether overt or passive. This is a case where actions speak louder than words."
That's so well-said! As a mother of a child with special needs, I have seen that sometimes those with the ed. and special ed. degrees are the most prejudiced of all, and it's infuriating to see a degree waved as some sort of trump card. I hold the same degree that some of my service providers do and know that,even with degree in hand, prior to my experiences as a mother, I knew NOTHING! It's as if they first believe that a degree certifies that they have learned everything there is to know. They feel free to close their minds to anything further, except that which they allow to enter their minds, *which filter every experience through their now unchecked human prejudices* and arrogance. That then leads to their body of opinion drawn from "professional experience", which must be taken, unchallenged, as pure,unbiased truth. It is then possible for book knowledge, prejudice, personal opinions, power agendas and whatever else they want to add to all be rolled together into one gleaming avalanche snowball that is stamped with hallowed, undebatable words like "expert" and "professional." It is SO easy for the "happy-camper parent waking into IEP meetings and signing on the dotted line, assuming that everyone had my children's best interest at heart" to be lulled and snowed by this!
Be encouraged. Keep praying hard and doing what you know to be right. "Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God."
Posted by: marian | September 30, 2007 10:38 PM
Barbara,
I'm not surprised at all by this "coincidence". The Lord has very strategically positioned you in this very tough, unenviable situation. You are blazing the trail for others! Keep fighting!
Our public schools need Christians willing to let the Lord work through them as they get involved and fight the good fight. The Lord is working in the public schools!
I am praying for you this week!
Posted by: Jenifer | September 30, 2007 10:44 PM
Way to go momma! You rock!!!!
My prayers go out for you and your little ones as you embark once more in the noble quest of making the world a better place for those who need it most.
May the Lord bless all you efforts, give you wisdom and discernment, but above all, may He grant you peace and strengthK, for you are about to fight a great fight, but a fight worth fighting.
Think about the many generations that would benefit from it long after your kids have finished their schooling.
Blessings and strength to you.
Posted by: LadyLovas | September 30, 2007 11:34 PM
We all need to remember this when we want the "government" to take care of anything - (health care, emergency programs, senior care. . .) - this is so typical. Wishing you much success, Barbara.
Posted by: Marie | September 30, 2007 11:40 PM
Barbara,
I am absolutely flabbergasted you are dealing with a situation like this. I really am shocked. I live in Tennessee outside of Nashville. I am happy to say we would WELCOME you and ALL OF YOUR FAMILY into our community. You would be welcome with open arms and ENCOURAGED to join our elementary school. In fact, one of the PERKS of being a good student at our school is to work with the CDC classes in a number of capacities (of course they are acceptable for children). My daughter is SOOO excited about this project. 2nd, our school ENCOURAGES not only inclusion, but the complete "graduation" from any form of special needs other than resource. If you want more information, please email me and then, COME ON!!! Come join us and I will be the first to make you dinner when you get here! :)
Posted by: Tamara Cosby | October 1, 2007 12:49 AM
Barbara, this is WAY off of everything else being posted...but when this first happened with your neighbors (last year) and when you first started making noise about enrolling one of your downzers...weren't you still very overweight?? I think you were dealing with TWO prejudices.
You have never seemed to lack confidence, but I can't help but think your weight loss has given you even more "oomph" to persevere...and less of a target for you neighbors (or others) to ignore.
I hope that didn't come out wrong...but I see that attitude (of fat people being taken less seriously than normal weight)all the time.
Good luck with your fight; you are the fiercest of Mama Bears.
Posted by: Marie | October 1, 2007 7:10 AM
Go, Barbara, go!
Wonderfully written. Thank you for fighting the good fight.
Posted by: KatieButler | October 1, 2007 9:43 AM
Go Barbara! We are all behind you and your family. These kids should NEVER have been bussed out of the district...but welcomed with open, loving arms! Isn't this America? ALl I know is that the school could get its fanny sued off. Being a former Case Manager I always had to fight for my clients. Geez, people were some darn ignorant about Downs. Yes some were more profound but it just took more time for them to learn. On a side note...my husband plays bass in the Praise Band at our church...(cause he cant do gigs in Austin anymore with twin babies..LOL)..well they played at a home here in Austin (church service) that is such a gorgeous facility. Most people are Downs, some are more profound yes, but he came home and was all excited that he met some new friends. Im so proud of my husband doing this. I like what one of your readers said...that she made 2 new friends this week. Powerful!
Always waiting for the newest post,
Shannon in Austin
Posted by: Shannon Best | October 1, 2007 3:37 PM
Barbara,
What is happening to you and your family is awful. You are not just standing up for your own children and the others who are in the community right now but for the children who are still yet to come. I am sure that the parents of children with disabilities who will live in your community in the future will appreciate your efforts.
Hopefully, you can work out a solution that will benefit your children and the school. Remember that if the local school board does not reply appropriately, you want to start talking to State Representatives about changing the state laws. I am an advocate of local control. Despite this, sometimes it is necessary to go above the local level's heads.
Your efforts and your family will be in my prayers.
Posted by: Jennifer | October 1, 2007 4:06 PM
For three years I battled taking my two youngest sons to a liberal Quaker meeting..I thought this would be the place to embrace two special needs toddlers...I was so wrong.
The meeting was full of social workers, teachers and psychologists, they advocated the rights of every disadvantaged group you could think of, but my children were disapproved of and widely and negatively discussed.
It was for me an eye opening life lesson.
Posted by: Sue | October 1, 2007 4:56 PM
Barbara,
This is the most frustrating part for me of having a child with Down syndrome. I struggled with my son Gabriel's first two weeks of his SDC. Writing letters, CC'ing everyone and asking tons of questions to school personnel and parents. Why does it have to be so hard? I have yet to do this for my older boys....
Thank God, the situation has resolved itself in our favor and Gabriel is very happy. The school district met with me and apologized. They have also agreed to work with me to help us get Gabriel fully included in our neighborhood school next year. Something that has never been done.
I have also decided to join our PTA's Special Needs Committee and to train to be a Special Needs Liaison for parents in our district.
I look forward to reading about the outcome of your meeting. What a ride...when I look at my sons face, I can't help but think "he's worth every ounce of energy it takes to get him the education that's rightfully his".
Angelica Rettig
Posted by: Angelica Rettig | October 3, 2007 7:11 PM
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this....As a mom of two kids with Down syndrome, I know the passion that comes with this territory. I have to say I look at things a bit differently than you do though. Personally, I was dismayed that our school district insisted on inclusion for my daughter, as I found that she was not treated kindly by many of the other children...even the ones who were kind seemed to treat her as a pet of sorts. I preferred that she be placed in a "segregated" setting where she had real friends and more emotional safety. In the end I brought her home and we are now happily homeschooling, along with the rest of my crew.
I think the most frustrating thing is when we, as the parents, are trumped by the "educators" who somehow feel entitled to make decisions for our children and our families. No thank you!
I pray you will find peace in your situation..((hugs)) to you and yours!
Posted by: Diane | October 5, 2007 9:23 PM
Good grief! That's even more backward than Alabama! Who would've thought that such a "progressive," educated area could be behind my state in their treatment of the disabled.
I wish you the best as you pursue this, Barbara.
Posted by: chewymom | October 6, 2007 9:52 PM
What a great letter. I think you should forward a copy to your Governor and the Superintendent of the Commonwealth Board of Education, too. Heck, go ahead and send it to 60 Minutes!
Posted by: RevJATB | October 9, 2007 8:42 PM
