September 14, 2007 8:23 AM
Teasing and bullying - a story can help
A reader asked me some time ago about dealing with teasing and bullying.
As a parent (and back in my old days as a teacher), I know it hurts to see one child picked on. It hurts just as much to see the child who is teasing, not sharing, bullying - or just in general being unkind and unloving.
Many of you have already discovered that you can talk until you're blue in the face and see no change in your children.
It's not your fault.
It's because of the way we are equipped to learn.
Children cannot think abstractly. Words like kindness or compassion are virtually menaingless to them. They do not translate into action.
The best way to address character issues with your children is through stories. For every problem you see with your child, there is probably a book that tells a story that will touch them, causing a realignment on the subconscious level. You will see them begin to connect the dots.
Think about it: even when Jesus was teaching adults, he used stories. And his stories remain the most powerful touchstones we have as to how to live our lives.
With that in mind, for the seemingly unbreakable teasing/victim cycle I recommend stories which will awaken more compassion - stories like The Hundred Dresses .
By Eleanor Estes (who also wrote The Moffats, Rufus M., and Ginger Pye - which bring back memories of summer reading when I was a kid), this book tells the story of a girl who has only one dress to wear to school and how she handles the teasing by her classmates.
For teachers or parents who want to dig deeper, there is a Guide for Using the Hundred Dresses in the Classroom also available.
Remember, when I give Amazon references, it is to allow you to see more about the books and make an informed decision. There are often used copies available at Amazon - if you buy used or new there after linking through here, they give back a small percentage for the maintenance of this site. But you can always try other options: Paperback Swap (use the link in my left sidebar) or your public library.
Funny, but many used copies for sale at Amazon are library discards. I guess libraries tend to get rid of the old to make way for the new. I think it should be just the opposite. As someone who's been reading children's literature for 38 years, I'd say the new books should have to prove themselves against the older classics. Many current children's authors want to address sensitive issues of feelings, but they seem to go about it in a much more obvious and heavy-handed way.
I think the older authors had more respect for their readerss' ability to connect the dots for themselves. That's why you'll find my own reading lists for kids (see Barbara's Picks) stacked with older classics rather than trendy new stuff.
Next: a review of Where the Wild Things Are
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Comments
Thanks for the book title. I may go to the library today to get it. Can I also recommend a link to Focus on the Family? I have this bookmarked and try to hand it out whenever possible.
http://www.focusonyourchild.com/relation/art1/A0000354.html
Posted by: Alison | September 14, 2007 10:06 AM
Oh, The Hundred Dresses is one of my all-time favorites. Beyond bullying issues, it's a great for showing the power of creativity with few resources.
Posted by: Meredith from Merchant Ships | September 14, 2007 10:18 AM
