October 30, 2007 11:12 AM
Green funerals - taking back family responsibility
Came across this article Sunday - excerpts below:
GREEN FUNERALS: Putting aside embalming and tombsSome believe that services at home and simple caskets gradually
will change how society deals with death.
By John Richardson Portland (Maine) Press Herald, October 28, 2007Klara Tammany's mother didn't want a typical American funeral. No embalming, no metal casket, not even a funeral home.
When she died after a long illness a couple of years ago, family members and friends washed and dressed her body and put it in a homemade wooden casket, which was laid across two
sawhorses in the dining room of her condo in Brunswick.Then, for two days, friends and family visited, brought cut flowers, wrote messages on the casket's lid and said goodbye.
"We had this wake, and it was wonderful," Tammany said.
The home funeral is part of an emerging trend that some believe will change the way Americans deal with death. Send-offs like the one Tammany planned with her mother are called "green"
funerals because they avoid preservative chemicals and steel and concrete tombs, all designed to keep a body from decomposing naturally.After the wake, Tammany's mother was cremated and her ashes buried near the family's camp in Monmouth.
Another alternative that is just emerging in Maine is natural burial in a green cemetery: wooded graveyards that ban chemicals and caskets that won't easily decompose.
Two such cemeteries are now preparing to do natural burials in Maine, in Limington and in Orrington. There are only about six operating green cemeteries in the United States, but many more are planned, according to those tracking the trend.
"I think it's a tidal wave that's coming," Tammany said. "The cultural way of dying and taking care of the dead is changing." . . .
The idea of earth-friendly funerals is catching on as part of that broader green movement. But there are other factors, too, including distaste for the embalming process and modern
commercial funerals that can cost $10,000.A green burial can cost $1,000 to $2,000, although there is no market standard. Tammany's mother's funeral and cremation cost about $350.
Some also have the desire to return to a simpler, personal way of laying loved ones to rest.
"It's a lot more than just about the environment. It's a return to tradition. It speaks to the idea of dust to dust," Harris said. "This is the way we used to bury people, in the first hundred years of
our country's history."Read entire article here.
I was so excited to read this story as I have told my family for years that I DO NOT WANT to have chemicals pumped into my body or extraordinary makeup put on my skin, nor do I want to be buried in a metal casket. These things have never, ever made any sense to me at all.
I was very touched by the scene in Places in the Heart when Sally Fields loses her beloved husband very suddenly and unexpectedly and she and her sister prepare his body for burial on the family's dining room table. That tender scene (from a wonderfully tender movie which every family with kids over ten should watch together - see my review under Family-Friendly Films) made me hope that my family would be courageous enough not to conform to our modern way of death and burial - and to turn to more traditional ways to say goodbye to me.
I'm not being morbid here. I've just never understood why - especially for Christians - we fear death and delegate the responsibility for that final passage of life to complete strangers. I myself want no part of that - no strangers' hands touching my body, no chemicals pumped into my veins, no efforts to keep my body intact inside a metal casket. While I do prefer being buried to cremation, I want a biodegradable coffin.
What do you all think? I'm especially curious because the funeral industry must have such a grip on the American culture that in googling this this morning to bring you the latest, I found few references to this trend - though there were several reports on the American trend from the U.K.
Also, I was disturbed to find that some states evidently require embalming - and I wonder how much else is controlled. Don't have time to look up Virginia this morning, but will next week.
Anyway, just wondering if there is anyone else out there who's thought outside the box on this and felt comfortable with what they found? Have any of you experienced these simple and intimate funerals?
Further resources:
Final Passages
Death midwifery and the home funeral revolution
Caring for the Dead - Your Final Act of Love
Dealing Creatively With Death: A Manual of Death Education and Simple Burial
Coming to Rest: A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead, an Alternative to the Commercial Funeral
Posted in Current Affairs, Family, Practical Info | Permalink
Comments
This is awesome! I am so excited. I have always told my husband that when God takes me home, I want to be put in a pine wood box and buried very simply in a family graveyard. He, on the other hand, has taphophobia, childhood trauma is to blame I think. It's very serious for him; as a result we agree on everything but the embalming.
Posted by: SmockLady | October 30, 2007 1:15 PM
You are not the only one that feels that way! In fact, I had this site for monastery wooden coffins bookmarked from a recent family discussion.
http://www.abbeycaskets.com/caskets_Monastic_Cherry.asp
While I wouldn't want my family to bear the burden of preparing my body or building a coffin at the last minute, we have discussed exactly what we want:
-to have a wake or visitation period at the church, not a dusky rose colored "parlor"
-to have garden flowers and greenery naturally arranged by someone in the family
-to have a nice stone bench with a small plaque instead of a headstone that costs as much as a car
Posted by: Meredith from Merchant Ships | October 30, 2007 1:54 PM
I saw this article, too, and found it interesting. Not because I care about being what most people consider "green," but because my husband's family has a history of taking care of family burials.
Shortly after we were married, my husband's grandma died. Like her husband, who'd died many years earlier, she wanted to be buried in a homemade pine box, which my husband and father-in-law constructed. My mother-in-law planned to line the casket, but she was very ill after chemo, so the job fell to me. The casket was nothing fancy at all, but it wasn't thrown together, either.
Then we picked up Grandma's body at the hospital. She'd been in a cooler, but nothing was done to her body. We placed her in a favorite dress, placed her in the casket, and nailed the casket shut.
We then conducted our own funeral, focusing on where Grandma was now: Heaven. She was buried in a cemetery, next to her husband.
It might sound morbid to some people...and I'd be lying if I didn't say it sometimes felt strange to me, too. But actually, it ended up being so beautiful. We took care of Grandma even to the last, and we kept the focus on the fact that she was now with Jesus.
I decided then and there that I wanted to be "taken care of" like Grandma.
Posted by: Kristina | October 30, 2007 1:55 PM
Barbara,
We plan to have a small cemetary on our 54 acres (hoping not to need it anytime soon). We've googled the laws on it when our friend died recently and still need some clarification. It's not for any "green" reasons, just hoping to have reasonable pine coffins buried on the hillside. I want my children to have my money, not the funeral home.
Posted by: Amy Scott | October 30, 2007 2:53 PM
I'm so glad you posted this. I had no idea there were any other options! When my MIL died, it was a nightmare as she was destitute (lived in government housing, her only income was $500 SSI) and we were broke, too.
She only was taken care of because my parish priest interceded for us with a funeral home who agreed to cremate her for half the fee.
We did a homemade memorial service (I had never been to a funeral before, but had to plan hers with no $!) but I wish I had been able to have a more dignified way to deal with it, instead of just having her body in cold storage for days while we worked out the details with the funeral home. We never did see her again after she died saying goodbye to ashes is not the same.
Posted by: Milehimama | October 30, 2007 3:30 PM
I remember reading that Ruth Bell Graham was buried in a pine box made by prisoners in a southern state. I have always wanted to have a simple casket. Why waste money? I talked it over with my husband and told him that the funeral was for them, not me. I will be with my Lord in a better place.
I think this is a great return to family values and placing value on the individual. It takes a lot of grace and love to care for someone in this way. It also takes some sacrifice. That is where the gold is. When we make that sacrifice we are showing the value that we place on that person.
Posted by: Becky | October 30, 2007 3:30 PM
It seems, Barbara, that most states do not require embalming "except in certain cases", whatever that means. However, 24 hours after death most states require refrigeration if there has been no embalming.
This does not seem to apply to home funerals.
I love the idea of the wake, and of the home funeral. Funeral homes and those who run them just don't jive with me.
Posted by: Emily | October 30, 2007 4:17 PM
I agree and this makes so much sense. As believers our hope is not in our bodies but in our new bodies to come. And how glorious they will be.
I think the funeral industry has a stronghold on the tradition and I always assumed you HAD to go through a funeral home, like it was the law.
But my family (husband and I and my parents) have all agreed to cremations - not only for the expense but because we have little interest in maintaining a gravesite, since this time here is temporal and we want to adhere to an eternal perspective.
Posted by: Barb | October 30, 2007 8:05 PM
Well, now I feel a little less weird! I've always said I wanted to be buried in a pine box or cremated. There is a small family cemetery out in the boonies I'd like to be buried in and I'd like my visitation to be held at home and my funeral at my church. Funeral homes just seem to have taken over what used to be a time for grieving with family and friends. The last thing I want to do at a time like this is deal with strangers and their schedules and routines - although I have met some wonderful funeral home owners. It reminds me of the wedding "industry" and the way they've changed what used to be a simple exchange of vows into a circus. I had a homemade wedding, I want a homemade funeral, too!
Posted by: Shannon M | October 30, 2007 8:25 PM
I got to thinking about this about 18 years ago. My great-aunt died, and I went to her funeral expecting the usual . . . but she had wishes similar to this, and was adored by her family, so when it became obvious that the end was near, the eight adult children began a casket as a part of the whole process. They built it, the quilting daughters sewed up a lining, they all worked on some simple engraving of the top of the coffin, then her sons were the pallbearers.
I'll bet a "green" option was not part of this time period, but the funeral was so beautiful and simple, and just the homemade coffin got me to thinking.
Shortly afterward, a distant relative-by-marriage died and that funeral cost over $10,000. This man was sadly not missed by most. His life had been one of abusing everyone around him. But the money was lavish because the widow "didn't want anyone to think I didn't do right by him". Very very sad to me, and the contrast was interesting. And now the only person I know who wants a big lavish funeral (has made her wishes be known) is a very lonely individual whose relationships are strained and fractured.
Posted by: Kimberly | October 30, 2007 8:35 PM
What a breath of fresh air to see this. This is a wonderful trend, and I am, oddly enough, very excited about it!
I was intrigued but not at all surprised to see the article on "death midwifery." Four days before attending my first intensive training seminar to become a birth doula, I was present at the the deathbed of a young aunt. I found myself starting to move naturally in the cold hospital setting, amidst the tubes and wires, in ways that...oh, this is hard to describe well... gently encouraged others there to connect with her in a natural, human way as she slipped away and to affirm their connection and the positive things they did for her for the sake of their own memories, and so on. Days later as I learned about the service of a birth doula in the passage of birth, it struck me that it was almost exactly the same thing as I had started to do at a passage into death, just at the other end of life. I shared the observations with others, and mused that a "death doula" would be just as valuable to a person and their family as one for birth.
Posted by: marian | October 30, 2007 9:44 PM
I don't understand. I was under the impression that these measures (embalming, etc.) were required to prevent poisoning of the groundwater and the spread of disease.
Posted by: Michelle | October 30, 2007 10:12 PM
Shalom Barbara.
I agree with simplicity in death and burial.
In our family we homebirth, homeschool, and homechurch. We are praying Yahweh will allow us to have homebased businesses. It seems somehow to follow that if possible, we would like to die at home, with our loved ones near and be buried simply on our own land. For those without land, a simple cemetery like the ones along the rural Maine highways would be a good alternative.
And no, I don't feel that this is a morbid topic. This is something that many of us (all of us, if He tarries) will have to face at some point. I'm pleasantly surprised and encouraged to see that others are thinking along similiar lines. Thanks for publishing this.
Posted by: Beth | October 30, 2007 10:20 PM
This sounds very much like the Orthodox Jewish tradition - burial within 24 hours, plain pine casket...
Posted by: swissmiss | October 31, 2007 2:31 AM
We have dear friends who made the home funeral choice. The husband lost his battle with cancer and flew into the arms of Jesus in August. The way they handled his death and funeral were very personal. They also set up a web site during his illness so we could all stay connected and informed without calling and disturbing the family during this very intimate time (Barbara send me an email if you want to see the site, I don't want to post it here). This family has home schooled and home birthed some of their children so it seemed fairly natural for them to have the husband pass at home as well. After they had the wake at home and his body was cremated they had a glorious memorial/party at a church. This wonderful man had touched so many lives for Christ. It was a blessed time with at least 500 people there. Thanks for bringing up this topic.
Posted by: Becky | October 31, 2007 10:39 AM
I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds humor in the oddest places. At 22, we had to bury my father. The man at the funeral home (my father's high school classmate) explained to us that the coffin we had chosen would remain watertight for 20 years. In the nervousness that is always present in these situations, my mother and I succumbed to a fit of the giggles. It just seemed so ludicrous...watertight for 20 years? What, so his body could float away in the event of a flood? I didn't even know that they made wooden caskets or plots that allowed for decomposition. Thanks for this post. I'm educated.
My best friend recently flew to Mexico to be there for her Grandmother's death. Grandma insisted that she was to be dressed after death in pantyhose and full dress. During this ritual, the family cried and remembered, and dissolved into laughter as they tried valiantly to apply pantyhose to grandmother's deceased body. Upon returning home, she described the ritual as "more human" than anything she had attending relating to death here in the states.
Posted by: Rebecca | October 31, 2007 2:05 PM
At 22, we had to bury my father. The man at the funeral home (my father's high school classmate) explained to us that the coffin we had chosen would remain watertight for 20 years. In the nervousness that is always present in these situations, my mother and I succumbed to a fit of the giggles. It just seemed so ludicrous...watertight for 20 years?
When my husband was in his last days we arranged his funeral and got into the same giggles when we saw a coffin that was deer hunter camo and one that was very similar to the cigar-tube one in Star Trek "Search for Spock".
We were told that we not only had to have embalming and a waterproof casket, but also a waterproof cement liner for the grave - and were cited ground water as the reason. I'm not sure if this is the state or the cemetary.
Posted by: Ellen | October 31, 2007 6:07 PM
Barbara,
When I gave birth to our stillborn son half way through my pregnancy a few years ago, we talked about having a private burial in our backyard. I had a hard time delivering the placenta, so we went to the hospital. We weren't sure what to do, so we brought our son's tiny body with us. The hospital said that because we brought the body that the only two options we had was to (a) have the hospital cremate his remains or (b) release the body to a licensed funeral home. We weren't allowed to take the body from the hospital. So, I'm assuming that that is the case with a relative who dies in the hospital or nursing home, etc. I'd be curious to see what type of laws are out there preventing the beautiful experience described in this article.
Posted by: Beth | November 1, 2007 9:55 AM
"who's thought outside the box on this "
Ha, ha! Yer killin' me!
My husband and I would love to be buried in wooden boxes. We'd both like his to be like a pirate's treasure chest...you know, with a rounded lid. I did a search awhile ago (not planning to do him in or anything) and found some "monk's coffin" website. They were still pretty expensive.
I'd not really thought about not embalming, but I love that idea. How does it work in the heat of the summer with no air-conditioning?
We live far from where we'd be buried, so I don't know if we would have the "no preservatives" option.
Hmmm. Much to think about.
Posted by: Sandyone | November 5, 2007 2:59 PM
This way of burying the dead is not new at all in New Zealand this is how the native Maori's burying there dead(my grandmother was a maori) i have been to a few maori funerals and it has more meaning than the way white folk bury there dead.
Posted by: SoniaM | November 11, 2007 3:34 AM
Cedar Brook Burial Ground located in Limington, Maine is available for those wishing a more natural burial for loved one. And pets are allow at no additional cost. The serene site is a welcome change for many of us who prefer a low-key approach to a sometimes difficult subject.
More info at:
http://cedarbrookburialground.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Suzanne | November 23, 2007 4:47 PM
The modern concept of natural burial began in the UK in 1993 and has since spread across the globe. According the Centre for Natural Burial, http://naturalburial.coop there are now several hundred natural burial grounds in the United Kingdom and half a dozen sites across the USA, with others planned in Canada, New Zealand, South Africa and even China.
A natural burial allows you to use your funeral as a conservation tool to create, restore and protect urban green spaces.
The Centre for Natural Burial provides comprehensive resources supporting the development of natural burial and detailed information about natural burial sites around the world. With the Natural Burial Co-operative newsletter you can stay up-to-date with the latest developments in the rapidly growing trend of natural burial including, announcements of new and proposed natural burial sites, book reviews, interviews, stories and feature articles.
Posted by: Mike salisbury | January 3, 2008 4:12 PM
