November 16, 2007 8:44 PM
Mr. Rogers on disabilities - and other wisdom
A reader named James emailed me and I was intrigued by his tagline:
Part of the problem with the word disabilities is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted. But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.
You all won't be surprised that I liked this, because I've expressed it - though less eloquently - myself. When I asked James for the source, he said it was from Fred Rogers.
So I went hunting and came up with a few more from The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember
Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.
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There's no "should" or "should not" when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with our feelings.
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Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.
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If the day ever came when we were able to accept ourselves and our children exactly as we and they are, then, I believe, we would have come very close to an ultimate understanding of what "good" parenting means. It's part of being human to fall short of that total acceptance -- and often far short. But one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child is the gift of accepting that child's uniqueness.
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One of the strongest things we have to wrestle with in our lives is the significance of the longing for perfection in ourselves and in the people bound to us by friendship or parenthood or childhood.
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The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.
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It's true that we take a great deal of our own upbringing on into our adult lives and our lives as parents; but it's true, too, that we can change some of the things that we would like to change. It can be hard, but it can be done.
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When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people whoa re helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers -- so many caring people in this world.
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Posted in Disabilities, Inspiration | Permalink
Comments
Oh how I miss people like Mr. Rogers on TV. I miss him, and enjoy watching him still on PBS. Em
Posted by: Em | November 16, 2007 9:07 PM
Well I am surprised to have found such profound quotes coming from Mr. Rogers! But he really does sum our emotions well doesn't he? God really did intend for us to have emotions and reading your post tonight helped me to remember that I should never be ashamed of tears but that God gave them to me and even His own Son wept.
I cannot begin to tell just how refreshed I am after visiting your blog, and can honestly say that I will be back for more!
Cheers!
- Jo
http://followtheroadlesstraveled.blogspot.com
Posted by: Jo | November 16, 2007 9:07 PM
I have always sensed an emotional intelligence about Mr. Rogers. I believe that was the secret of his success for decades, despite being low on fancy sets, or exciting characters.
My daughter won't watch just any show, but would watch Mr. Rogers patiently. She has Down syndrome, and I think she enjoys his calm, reassuring manner.
Posted by: Leticia Velasquez | November 19, 2007 4:19 PM
