February 11, 2008 9:28 AM
Is College for everyone?
[It's been almost two years since I ran this. I've gotten a lot of new readers in that time - some of you may find it interesting]:
I had mentioned on the Q&A about grandparents that my oldest daughters chose not to pursue college - the first after a year of it and the second in her senior year of high school.
In her comment, Jill said:
Also, I don't know how to ask this without sounding critical, so I'll just toss it out there as food for thought. As Barbara says, it's perfectly wonderful for children of any gender to choose not to go to college. However, a Christian woman can go to college, get valuable skills, and then put those skills to use in raising her children, educating her children at home, or helping the family. For example, I use the skills/degree I have to work from home in a field that is flexible, pays well, and only requires 10 hours of my time per week, which I fit in around sleepy times for the kids. If I hadn't gone to college and grad school (before I had kids), there is no way I could do this. It really helps the family and, I'll admit it, helps my brain to be able to do something adult and challenging for even just 30 minutes a day. Barbara puts her Montessori training to wonderful use in writing books and educating her children (and other moms!). I just love Small Beginnings for that. It sure hasn't taken away from her Christian-ness or her mom-ness.Young children cannot know yet if they want to go to college or not. Perhaps, maybe, would it be more prudent to educate them at home with all the required classes and subjects for college entrance, while realizing they may not choose to go? Education is never ever wasted.
Jill is right - though I don't know how she knew how I felt about college. I don't remember writing about it here, but I will now :)
I am a strong advocate of not predetermining your child's future but being open to God's plan. Trust me, it will reveal itself! Not everyone needs to go to college. And people can be very successful and educated (self-educated) without putting themselves through four years of having their lives on hold.
I'm probably older than most of my readers - old enough to be your mother (though I'm unusual in still have 6 kids at home 5-16) - but back when I went to high school (hear the old granny tone?), a smaller percentage of people went to college - usually people with career goals that involved needing to go to college.
But things changed and it became more the norm to go to college. What's weird is that I think in many ways when kids graduated from high school in the sixties, they knew much more than today's high school graduates. In some ways it seems like they've just stretched out the school experience another 2- 4 years to accomplish only a little more than what was once accomplished by 12th grade. In similar fashion, a century ago in the United States, people used to graduate from 8th grade fully prepared to own and run a home and business - as witness the Eighth Grade Final Examination from Salinas County, Kansas.
Until 1942 there really was no such thing as a teenager. If that's a new idea for you, spend some time visiting The Creation of a Teenager. I'm not sure how or why it happened - my guess is that it had something to do with consumerism and the education bureaucracy - but we basically lengthened the time before people were recognized as adults and became productive and responsible members of society.
I think the situation is deplorable today - with kids dependent on their parents and yet allowed to behave irresponsibly at college, simply postponing growing up. Yes, I know there are some people who need degrees for their professions, but what percentage of students do you think are simply putting in time? A huge waste of time and money.
And yet, some parents determine from the get go that they want their kids to go to college. How open to the Holy Spirit is that?
I always felt that children were like gifts from the Lord and as you open them, you allow God to reveal his plans for each one individually, not as a collective. My self-worth is not tied up in whether my kids all go to college. My husband Tripp didn't go to college, yet he started an award-winning business and ran it for almost 20 years in California - 25 employees and a lot of good work in their lives. I got my degree and went to the Montessori Institute long before I met him and long before we became Christians. I had no idea how God would use that in my life. But Tripp is the most intellectually stimulating man I know and he is my best friend when it comes to discussing books. politics, ideas. He knows much more about history and the Bible than I ever will. He is a self-educated man.
As for the generation we're raising: There are the two older girls, each homeschooling five kids. Though Samantha only went to one year of college and Jasmine turned it down flat, Sophia (16) clearly wants to go to college - probably Liberty U. like her brothers. No way would I send my daughter to a state university with no protection for girls. Maddy (12) wants to study musical Theater - we'll see how we can do that when the time comes -there is a conservatory near us.
Among my boys, Josh (22) went to college one year before deciding he'd rather do physical work. He started his own construction company with his brother-in-law and saved up enough to buy a fixer-upper house to secure a future for his family (getting married May 20).
Matt (21) passed his California Proficiency Exam (a little classier than the GED) but does not seem interested in college. He is out on his own doing what he loves - acting.
Ben and Zach are in college now - Ben pursuing a BFA in voice, will probably become a performer or teacher. Zach is studying math and physics and hoping to get into a service academy to become an astronaut.
Imagine if I had forced everyone to go to college! Imagine how I might have thwarted what God had in mind for them!
What I really think was kind of summed up in a line from an old movie called Sorry, Wrong Number:
If a man hasn't got a talent for making money, college won't knock it into him. And if a man has a talent for making money, he won't need college.
Of course, it's not about making money. But I think in terms of our goals for our children, it's better to think in terms of character development and raising a generation of good mothers and fathers rather than college being the end-all, be-all.
There is also this unrealistic situation: Christian kids who are committed to maintaining their purity are expected to conform to the culture and wait until later to marry. Why?
With all that said, I do think we should try to educate our children in such a way that their options will be open and they will be able to go to college if they desire it. That's just the right thing to do. But we should accept that some - especially those who are creative - are just not academically inclined. Ben's high school grades and lack of interest or talent in math and science led him to pursue a BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts). That's fine with me.
Above all, I think we should also be educating our children to love learning so much that even if college isn't in the picture for some of them, they will continue growing and learning and expanding their understanding of the wonderful world we live in. That is one of the wonderful things about the Montessori approach, because it catches the child's sensitive periods to learning and makes the first learning experiences full of joy. That joy can go on throughout life. It isn't limited to a building or a schedule or a piece of paper. It's all around us all the time!
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Comments
As a high school teacher with a college professor father most people find my position that college is not for everyone rather odd. But here are some statistics to go with what Barbara has said. Only 20% of the national population has a four year degree. When polled 80% of high school seniors are "planning" to get one. How many people are being set up to believe that they are of less value and/or less intelligence because of their "inability" to accomplish that four year degree. The average college student takes seven years to get a "four year" degree and changes majors in excess of seven times. Maybe if they really belonged there they would get it done faster and with less flip flopping of majors...
College is one path, needed for some specific field, optional for so many others, that is a tool well suited to some people. We are not cookie cutters.
It is important to educate or children so that they have as many possibilities open to them, when they decide what they want, as possible. That does not mean doing it for them or forcing them to "choose" what we want. There are so many unhappy (and unmotivated) children in high school and college whose parents have decided for them that they have to go to college because that is what defines success. Yet history is full of excepetions to that rule.
Barbara, feel free to run this article once an month!
Posted by: Sandy | February 11, 2008 12:05 PM
My societal observation of "college-as-norm" has been the over production of graduates wanting/expecting a job that in reality is only a small percentage of the positions out there. Hence, the video store clerk with a BA and an absolute shortage of laborers. The construction industry is begging for more skilled bodies, and all those college graduates certainly don't want to have to "get their hands dirty" after all the promises that "higher" education makes.
Forget about getting an American raised kid into a field for a harvest too. We can see the crisis playing out as an election issue called immigration policy.
Posted by: Kelly | February 11, 2008 2:08 PM
My husband dropped out of high school, got a GED, started working in restaurants and never looked back. He's continued his education in that field and makes pretty good money. He works as a manager for THE finest hotel chain in the world--The Ritz-Carlton. He has also worked his tail off for 15 years, went through periods of making 50 cents over minimum wage, and has always reached higher. He's a perfect example of #1 you don't need a college degree to succeed and #2 there are opportunities in this country for everyone if you're willing to work hard.
Posted by: Alison | February 11, 2008 2:56 PM
Very well said. I agree wholeheartedly. The other thing I've noticed is that many people, who will potentially want or need college for their particular pursuits, are just not ready for college at age 17 or 18. They are too immature, and they do not yet know what they want to do with their lives. I've seen so many wind up with a costly 6 years for a 4 year degree only because they changed their minds part way through.
And so many will never even need it. I'm all for a lifetime of learning. I just know that it doesn't only come in the form of college. And I loved that quote. So true.
Posted by: Shelley | February 12, 2008 7:09 PM
Barbara- This is such a great reminder of so many things that God is trying to teach me right now........I used to think that having all boys ( baby #4 gender is yet to be determined) meant automatic college. If you have boys, they will need college to provide for their family, right? Your article and my homeschooling magazine has caused me to really question this line of thinking......
I also appreciate the reminder that God will show us each of their different personalities and strengths. :) We only need to be open to his leading........
and for Pete's sake, I totally agree with this quote from you:
There is also this unrealistic situation: Christian kids who are committed to maintaining their purity are expected to conform to the culture and wait until later to marry. Why?
My DH and I have talked about this at length, and we hope to prepare our kids as much as possible for an early marriage, if they should meet the right person at the right time. We married at the age of 21 and have always been happy, but there were adults who seriously doubted our decision.....After 10 1/2 years of marriage, I hope we've proved that this was the right decision........Anyway- thanks for bringing up this point. What ideas do you have for preparing our children for any early marriage, just in case they meet the right person at a young age?
Posted by: Lisa | February 12, 2008 7:19 PM
"No way would I send my daughter to a state university with no protection for girls."
I found this statement to be really interesting. I don't hear many Christian parents say this or even take the issue into account. If you have time can you please elaborate on this subject or maybe email me.
Blessings!
Aisha :-)
Posted by: Aisha Hoffman | February 12, 2008 10:11 PM
