May 22, 2008 9:18 AM
The power of stories in children's lives
I've been promising to do something on the value of fantasy in early childhood. I've taken this from my book, The Mommy Manual:
Start early to help your child make the distinction between reality and fantasy. There are three kinds of books:
• stories that really happened (history, biography)
• stories that could happen (as in Ira Sleeps Over – a dilemma any child could face)
• stories that could never happen at all (Where the Wild Things Are)
Be sure to let your child know which kind you are reading.
Some people question using fantasy at all with children. Montessori did; she felt that toddlers – because they could not think abstractly – could not distinguish between fantasy and reality. Besides, she reasoned, reality is so full of marvelous things, that we could easily fill the early years just teaching them all the wonders of the world, saving fantasy for later.
Likewise, some parents, for religious reasons wish to avoid fantasy, or even stories which have animals as characters.
I see value in fantasy, although it requires an extra amount of discernment on the part of parents to make sure that the author's message (because every author has one) is compatible with what they want their children to learn. Books with animal characters – I especially think of Russell Hoban's Frances books – can teach important lessons in charming and non-threatening ways [see box below]. Books like Where the Wild Things Are – which some Christian parents might reject out of hand – deal with very real and inexpressible childhood feelings, showing them resolved and security restored at the end.
Remember at this age a child cannot think abstractly. Therefore the only way you can teach him about courage, loyalty, faith, and love is through stories.
Christian parents can get more out of books which are not specifically Christian through discussion in which they apply Christian themes. That way they are also teaching their children that their spirituality does not exist in a vacuum – it's not tied to specific times and books. It is a filter through which they view any information that comes their way.
Books with animal characters – like Russell Hoban’s Frances books – can teach important lessons in charming and non-threatening ways. In A Baby Sister for Frances, the whimsical badgerette deals with sibling rivalry. In A Birthday for Frances, the ebb and tide of generosity and jealousy when it’s someone else’s birthday. In Bedtime for Frances, the fears of going to bed. In Bread and Jam for Frances, the parent/child struggle over eating the right foods.
All of these typical childhood problems could be dealt with in a once-removed setting, with a human character like Ira. But they wouldn’t pack the wallop they do with Frances.That’s because these books address something scarier than being lost, poverty, or embarrassment. They address the child’s fear of his own emotions.
Though sibling rivalry and anger toward parents are normal, the child doesn’t know that – and when these feelings well up they’re ugly and frightening. Mommy says I’m good when I’m nice to the baby. But when he cries I want to smoosh the pillow over his face. I must be very bad.
Unlike adults, who can reason through emotional conflicts, children lack the language and tools. What works for them are stories twice-removed, where the unreasonable feelings are projected onto a creature that looks different on the outside, but seems much the same inside. That Frances is transparent, that she warbles funny tunes about her quandaries, and that her parents love her no matter what – these make the stories even more appealing and fill the child with hope.
And for the child who’s gone beyond emotional rumbles and spun into out-of-control, for anyone who ever had a tantrum and didn’t know how to stop, there’s Where the Wild Things Are.
Though some Christians shun this book – following the lead of one critic who claimed it celebrates “unfettered rebellion” – they’re missing a really special and reassuring message for their children. Here’s the real scoop:
Max misbehaves at dinner and is sent to his room
(Max has parents who care enough to punish him when necessary)Max sails away to an island full of Wild Things
(Max cranks up his tantrum – a “wild rumpus” with the Wild Things)Max, “King of All the Wild Things,” finally commands them to stop
(He realizes he’s in charge and takes control of his emotions)Though the Wild Things beg him to stay, Max sails home again
(He makes the right decision)In his room, he finds his dinner – still warm – waiting.
(He regains stability and his parents haven’t stopped loving him)Who hasn’t been where the wild things are, giving in to an emotional outburst and then having to regroup? Enough’s enough! – that’s what I hear Max saying, and see his story teaching children to say as well. All without a word of preaching or a wag of a finger.
So use discernment – there’s more to stories than meets the eye.
More in-depth on these points is available in an article I wrote for Christian Parenting Today: Story Power.
The books I've mentioned are summarized and linked to Amazon, where you can read other parent reviews and often find used copies for as little as a penny - it's the shipping that will get you, though, and if you're going to buy several books, it's sometimes better to buy them from Amazon and then select Super Saver Shipping for free - at Barbara Picks/Kid's Books. With so much stuff out there, it may be helpful to have some ideas on what to choose and why.
I will publish Guidelines for choosing children's books tomorrow.
Posted in Homeschooling, Montessori, Preschoolers, Reading, Toddlers | Permalink
